


Strangers in Love

by sweetums



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Amnesia, Anal Sex, Angst, Bottom Louis, Car Accidents, Crossdressing, Dirty Talk, Enemies to Lovers, Growing Up Together, Happy Ending, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Roleplay, Sex Tapes, Slow Burn, Smut, Top Harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 00:06:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 42,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21887881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetums/pseuds/sweetums
Summary: Louis wakes up to find himself in a marriage with the last man he thought he'd ever end up with.-Prompt 51: An amnesia fic where louis and harry were enemies to lovers but after an accident, louis only remembers those memories that him and harry hated each other. now harry has to fix it. I think something like this less dark and less angsty compared to other amnesia fics and it could be funny
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 60
Kudos: 1153
Collections: Bottom Louis Fic Fest 2019





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fic a while back and I remember enjoying it a lot actually. I know the prompt says 'funny' and I wanted to make it funny but I found it a bit difficult with the slightly heavy subject so there's probably more angst and I'm sorry if that disappoints the prompter or any of you. I hope this is a good read x

**Louis’ POV**

Louis wakes up to what feels like the brightest bout of sunlight he’s ever witnessed and a deep ache all over that makes his movements slow. Everything feels wrong, like he drank too much and is now suffering a bitch of a hangover.

He’s uncomfortable from his hair down to his feet and his mouth tastes funny. Not only is he feeling like shit, no memory of why he’s feeling like shit is emerging despite the fact that he blinked his eyes open long enough ago for coherent thoughts to normally form. That makes him want to start panicking.

And so he starts moving a bit quicker, through the pain, to twist around and gauge his surroundings. As soon as his head tilts to the side, he sees Harry Styles of all people looking rough in a chair pulled freakishly close to his bedside. The man has his eyes closed but Louis can see that they’re puffy with dark circles underneath. His hair is cut really short for some reason and looks like it hasn’t been washed in weeks. His skin, which is usually annoyingly glowy, is a dull grey. 

He could’ve sworn that he saw Harry just last week and he looked nothing like this zombie-like persona. But then again, he’s realising that he is rather out of it right now so he can’t exactly trust his memories. 

Finally moving his gaze away from the confusing sight of a worse for wear Harry, Louis notices the sterile walls and floors and foot of his bed which is unmistakably one that he’s only ever seen in hospitals. 

That realisation scares him and the next thing he knows, a beeping sound breaks the silence and Harry wakes up.

“Lou, you’re awake.” Harry sounds disbelieving, close to tears for some reason.

He kind of wants to yell, “yeah, no shit” but his throat is sheathed in sandpaper right now and there are people rushing into the room and immediately fussing over him.

He thinks that a nurse is hovering over him and checking something and someone else is nearby but the overwhelming noise is Harry’s deep voice. The man is talking so much, to him, to the nurse, maybe even to himself. 

Somehow, Louis manages to make eye contact with the nurse and plead with her through that alone because in the next few minutes, the room is cleared and he can breathe again.

Once they’re alone, the nurse is good at calming him down. She looks around the same age as his mum and that soothes him. She doesn’t say too much to try and explain anything until the doctor arrives.

“Louis, good to see you awake,” the doctor smiles at him. She looks over a clipboard and the machine. “I believe you’re feeling confused at the moment so I’ll just tell you that you’ve been in an accident. We have performed surgery on you. You’ve been asleep for almost two weeks now so we will need to evaluate your condition before I can say where you’re at right now.”

Louis can’t believe that he’s been here for two weeks. It feels surreal because he doesn’t even remember an accident in the slightest. 

“Now, I think your husband is about to break down the door so I think we’ll let you two speak for a moment.”

“What?” Louis croaks.

“I’m sure it will bring comfort to you to see a familiar face and I think the full account of your accident might be easier to understand if he talked you through it.” She smiles at him before leaving the room with the nurse.

She must be getting things mixed up because Louis is pretty sure he’s not married. He’s not even close to being married seeing as he’s just finished uni.

The door opens again before Louis can sort out his head and he feels apprehension until Harry re-enters his peripheral vision.

“Baby, how are you feeling?”

Harry reaches out to gently touch his hand like it could break at any minute. He should get into accidents more often if it makes people treat him so nicely even though it’s kind of bizarre coming from Harry Styles.

“Uh, where’s Liam?” Louis asks because that’s the only reason why Harry would be here.

“He’s at work right now but don’t worry, I called him as soon as you woke up and he said that he’s on his way,” Harry replies.

“Okay.”

Louis has no idea why Harry would be here if not to accompany Liam. Right now, the man is staring at him so intensely it’s making him squirm under the gross hospital sheets. Not to mention his hand is still on top of his and Louis wants to move it away without being rude.

“Seriously, how are you feeling, Lou?”

“Not great,” Louis shrugs with a sigh. There’s nobody else around so he might as well talk to Harry. “Kind of like I want to take a long shower.”

“We can do that, love, if I get the okay from the doctor I’ll take you straight home. I know how much you hate hospitals.”

Louis gives him an uncertain smile. “Uh, yeah, thanks. Where’s my mum?”

“She’s on her way. She never wanted to leave your side but you know she has to look after the twins.”

Louis guesses that’s true, especially if he’s been here for two weeks like they said.

“So, it’s just you?” Louis asks before he can think.

Harry frowns. “What’s wrong?”

Louis raises his eyebrows at him.

“I mean, apart from the obvious,” Harry rectifies. 

“S’just weird,” Louis admits. “Like out of all the people, you’re here.”

Harry’s frown deepens.

He looks like he’s about to say something when the doctor returns looking apologetic. She explains that she’ll need to run the tests now and that he can have visitors again later. 

Louis is happy with the prospect of getting a clear idea of what state he’s in but Harry looks like a kicked puppy as he’s told to leave. At least that’s one thing which isn’t new, how bloody strange Harry Styles is.

-

The tests took a while but it turns out that that was a blessing because as soon as they were over, Liam arrived.

Liam has been Louis’ best friend ever since he started at the same secondary school as him halfway through the year. Liam was adopted along with Harry after both boys spent years in the foster care system together. With him by his side all these years, Louis has always felt supported and loved so the constant presence of Harry is something he was willing to put up with.

Like now, for example, talking to him after he rushed in yet not fully being able to say anything he wants because Harry is lingering in the background.

“Mate, I swear to you that I cried in the office when Harry called,” Liam tells him.

“You’re crying now,” Louis rolls his eyes fondly. Liam has always been a big softie.

“Louis I really can’t believe you’re awake.”

“You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

Liam grins at him then leans in for their fifth hug. Louis’ eyes glance over his shoulder to see Harry looking rather put off and it reminds him that he’s uncomfortable with the other man still being here.

“Uh, Harry, could you please get me a tea?” Louis pulls away from Liam to ask. Harry has been so nice to him since he woke up that he thought he’d try this.

“Of course, Lou,” Harry smiles at him. “I’ll be right back.”

He leaves and Louis lets out a little sigh of relief.

“Finally we can have a proper chat,” Louis says.

Liam chuckles but his eyebrows furrow slightly.

“Sure, Louis.”

Before they can talk though, his mum and sisters come bursting in and he’s engulfed with their cuddles. He lets a few tears slip out because they’re all crying and talking and he finally feels safe now that his family are here.

They all talk at once at him and he can’t get a word in edgewise but he’s grinning from ear to ear. He nearly cries again when they bring out a box of Coco Pops to give to him. He rips it open and starts munching on them dry, feeling like he’s been starved for years.

“So, have the doctors said anything to you yet?” his mum asks.

“Not really, she just explained that I was in an accident and then did some tests.”

They nod at him and he can see that his mum is worried with the lack of information. 

“Oh, wait, I completely forgot but she said something weird to me when I first woke up,” he says between mouthfuls. “She said something about my husband coming to see me. How weird is that?”

He doesn’t get the response he expected as when he lifts his head, the whole room is staring at him like he just grew a second head.

“Uh honey,” his mum begins. “Harry is your husband.”

He took in a handful of Coco Pops at the worst time because he immediately chokes on them upon hearing what his mum said. 

After that, a real big problem arises. Apparently, Louis can’t remember quite a lot of stuff. Important stuff.

When everyone realises that he isn’t joking, they panic and his mum frantically reports to the doctor. Then, after more tests and a lot of questions, she tells them that he’s suffering from memory loss that seems to have erased about six or seven years as a probable result of some head trauma. 

The news is scary and unsettling but the doctor has the good sense of delivering it with the results of the other tests that shows he is otherwise physically quite fit. It relieves the tension of his family quite a bit but Louis is still reeling and not sure he can deal with not remembering so much of his own life.

And then there’s Harry.

Louis hasn’t actually seen him since he went off to get that tea. He assumes somebody told him about the memory loss but he hasn’t been to see Louis since. To be honest, it’s a relief because he honestly does not know what to say to the man.

He’s been left alone right now for the evening as they still want him to stay overnight for at least a few more days. It gives his mind time to ask big ‘what the fuck?’ questions about where his life went after his last memories.

There isn’t actually a clear ‘last memory’ that he remembers, just vague memories of graduating university and day-to-day life in London. He remembers his local coffee shop, nights out with Liam and his other friends, and a part-time job at Toys R Us. It’s like a general blur of a life that he was living plays whenever he tries to remember.

He hasn’t asked anyone much about his life now because he’s honestly terrified to know. If he is living in a world where he’s married to Harry Styles then he doesn’t want to know what else is possible.

Harry was 10 and Liam was 12 when they moved to Doncaster. They were both put in Louis’ class though because Liam was held back at some point. Louis befriended Liam straight away because he saw him play football during PE and was decent, not as good as Louis but decent nonetheless, and asked him to join the after school club and play. Plus, Liam was quite obviously older and that fascinated Louis because he had never heard of anyone getting held back in school.

Their friendship was easy from that moment because Liam always indulged Louis. As a hyper kid, Louis learned that other children could get sick of him after too long but Liam always had endless patience. It might have something to do with his age or the fact that he had been in foster care but he went along with all of Louis’ stupid ideas and took his side in everything.

Harry on the other hand, was the complete opposite. Louis would’ve happily befriended him too and gained himself two friends at once if it wasn’t for Harry’s hostility. The other boy never humoured him whatsoever. Louis’ loud personality usually made him the centre of attention and caused others to gravitate towards him but Harry never wanted to be around him. It was like he was immune to Louis’ charms, immune to the way Louis could get away with murder because he has always been loveable.

Liam and Harry had a strange relationship from Louis’ point of view. They were brothers and stuck very close together in their lives but their personalities were very different. Liam is just more warm and open while Harry is introverted and intense. Liam told Louis about their time in foster care and how they looked out for each other and Louis guesses that a bond like that is hard to break which is why they stuck together even after school, going to the same university and both deciding to move to London afterwards.

Deep down, Louis knows that Harry is a good person. He just doesn’t understand how they could ever get along let alone get married.

Harry was always very quiet when Louis was around. And Louis knows for a fact that Harry can be the life of the party because he’s seen it on social media and heard it from Liam. On the flip side, Louis was always very loud when Harry was around. He doesn’t know why but he wanted to prove to himself that he was likeable and charismatic even if Harry didn’t seem to think so. 

They rarely had actual fights, especially as they got older, but Louis has caught himself rolling his eyes and scoffing at Harry’s ridiculous drawl and equally ridiculous taste in clothes before. In turn, Harry has gotten exasperated at Louis’ over the top antics numerous times. 

Mostly, there has always been a tension between them thick as tar. With Liam always there, it wasn’t always obvious but as soon as they made eye contact or were left alone together, Louis felt almost suffocated by a tension in the air. 

The more he thinks about it, the more confused he becomes.

“Hey.”

Louis jerks at the sudden sound and sees Harry gently knocking at his slightly agape door.

“Hi.”

Harry takes that as an invitation to enter.

“So, we’re married,” Louis says before realising how stupid he sounds.

“Yeah,” Harry smiles cautiously at him. “Sorry about that.”

They settle into an awkward silence that makes Louis’ skin crawl so he asks Harry about his current job.

“You’re a researcher for the university,” Harry tells him. “You focus your work on education.”

Louis can see that. It makes sense with his degree and his passion for improving the system.

He finds out that Harry is a pastry chef for a restaurant in London. It’s a cool job and he hopes that that means Harry regularly brings treats home. Then the idea of their shared home freaks Louis out and he becomes silent, unable to try and make further conversation.

“I’ll let you rest, Louis,” Harry probably senses that he’s uncomfortable. “I’ll, uh, see you in the morning.”

Harry leaves and Louis gives him a small smile. 

He lays in bed for a while, just thinking. His body slept for two weeks and yet it still feels exhausted. His mind, on the other hand, is wide awake. Eventually, Louis does doze off trying to quell the fact that he was up going over the way Harry said his name, with tenderness that makes a part of Louis believe that the man could actually love him.

-

Louis gets discharged only a day later. His doctor said that maybe if he tries to settle back into his life, he might remember something. 

Although grateful that he can finally leave the hospital, Louis has been getting progressively more nervous about going home with Harry. He honestly doesn’t want to live with him or see the bizarre place that they obviously built together.

Nobody even bloody asked him about it either. He was told that he could go home and then they started giving all his vital information about medication and aftercare to Harry. And then Harry was packing up all of his stuff then the hospital staff were essentially shoving him into Harry’s car and leaving him with a man who he thought hated him just days ago.

Harry tries to make light conversation during the drive about the weather and what the doctor said to him. Louis barely listens, staring out of the window at the streets they were passing. He can see people going about their lives and it triggers the existential crisis inside about how his whole world has been fucked up and yet nobody around him feels even an ounce of the chaos. 

They arrive at a nice-looking townhouse. It’s not like the house is in central London so he supposes he can believe it but it’s still very nice. The whole street is lined with red-brick homes and trees gently shaking off their orange leaves. It’s definitely a lot nicer than the student flat he remembers living in.

They walk inside to the hallway and Louis takes in the homely decor and just how clean everything is. He’s the messiest person on the planet so that is a hundred percent down to Harry. The living room is cosy with a deep, navy sofa in the middle and photos everywhere. They’re mostly of his family and he actually recognises most of them so that’s a relief.

Harry takes him to the kitchen to get a glass of water and that’s what freaks him out. The room is fully kitted out with all kinds of appliances, most of which Louis couldn’t name for the life of him. He can’t process owning a kitchen like this one since he’s only ever been decent at making cereal.

“Why don’t you go watch a film or something and I’ll make us some food,” Harry suggests after handing Louis his water.

Louis practically flies out of there and back into the living room where he crashes onto the sofa. He spots the home phone sitting on a side table and quickly grabs it. Thankfully, it’s one that holds contacts so he finds Liam’s number and dials.

“Liam,” Louis breathes into the phone.

“Hey, Louis, are you doing okay?” Liam replies warmly.

“You have to come get me,” Louis orders. “I can’t stay here; it’s too weird.”

Liam snorts. “There’s no way I’m doing that to Harry.”

“What?” Louis exclaims. “Harry? What about me? I’m the one who was just in a bloody accident!”

“Uh, yeah, but I’m not going to risk Harry murdering me by taking you anywhere,” Liam says.

“What?” Louis repeats. “He’ll be fine! It’s me who everyone should be worried about.”

“First of all, he won’t be fine,” Liam rebuts. “And secondly, I am worried about you. Harry will take the best care of you and your home is where you belong, Louis.”

Louis says nothing back for a minute.

“You suck.” He hangs up the phone with frustration.

Before Louis can think of anything else, Harry comes into the room with a bowl of mac and cheese and a glass of chocolate milk.

“You haven’t put anything on?” Harry questions as he sets the food down on the coffee table. “Oh, you probably don’t know how to work it. Sorry about that, I’ll just do it.”

Harry crouches down to fiddle with the TV set. “Is The Notebook okay?”

A film about a man desperately in love with a woman who has lost her memory and his attempt to remind her about their slightly unrealistic grand romance.

“Uh, let’s watch Transformers,” Louis says quickly.

He has no idea where Transformers came from, probably hasn’t seen it since he was a teenager, but it’s got to be better than The Notebook.

Harry puts the DVD in and they watch it in silence.

Later on, his mum drops in to see him. He’s so thankful and spends his afternoon badgering her to tell him all about his sisters and brother and what they’ve been up to. As it turns out, that keeps her talking for a while considering that he has six siblings. 

When Harry leaves the room to take a call, he interrupts her story about his brother’s dance classes to give his great escape plan another try.

“Mum, take me home with you,” he practically begs her.

“What?” she frowns.

“I can’t stay here! I don’t know anything about this house,” he explains.

For some reason, his mum starts to cry.

“Mum, why are you crying?” he asks confusedly while trying to comfort her by stroking at her shoulder.

“Just the idea of taking you away from Harry,” she sniffles. “What would he do without you? He wouldn’t be able to sleep! God, it’s cruel to even think about it.”

She cries even harder after saying that and Louis really didn’t want to upset her.

“Okay, no, sorry!” he rushes to say. “It was just a suggestion. Of course I’ll stay here.”

That seems to calm her down.

When Harry returns, she forces him to sit beside her then proceeds to take both their hands and join them together.

“I thank God that you two have been brought back together,” she smiles at them. “I know, Harry, dear, that being without your soul mate for so long was tough. But he’s here now and you can regain those precious memories, I know you can.”

Harry, the goon, seems to really like that speech and gives his mum a tight hug.

Soul mates? Really? Louis doubts that but as long his mum isn’t crying anymore, he’ll grin and bear it.

She starts to fuss about how late it’s getting and how she should leave them alone and then she’s gathering her things and making a move, leaving Louis alone with Harry. Again.

“I’ll go and do the dishes and clean up,” Harry says after his mum has left. “You can just relax or get ready for bed. I don’t know if you’re tired or not?”

It’s 6:30pm and Louis isn’t a baby so he’s not tired. 

“Okay, thanks,” he replies before Harry heads to the kitchen.

Once he’s actually alone, Louis just stands there in the living room, restlessly chewing on his lips. On a whim, he decides to grab a wallet, probably Harry’s, and dash out of the door.

-

He’s going to consider this a last chance at escaping. Wandering down the street in his joggers and socks, he’s getting doubts about his probability of success.

As soon as he sees a taxi, he hails it and clambers into the backseat while rambling off the address. The driver sets off once he’s buckled in and Louis hopes that he remembers it correctly. 

Once they arrive at the building, Louis hands over some cash then slips out to buzz the intercom.

“Hello?”

“Hi, it’s Louis, let me in, please.”

There’s a pause before the static buzz sounds, allowing Louis to push the glass door and head inside.

His eldest sister opens the door to her flat with an unimpressed look.

“What are you doing here, Louis?”

“Oh come on, I can’t stay in a strange house with a strange guy!”

“He’s your husband.”

“He’s Harry Styles!”

She rolls her eyes at him. He deeply regrets passing down his attitude.

He stands on her doorstep and they engage in a quick stare off before she reaches for keys and a jacket behind the door. She then ushers him along the corridor and back down the stairs.

He pouts his whole way through the drive back, not even saying a word when he’s delivered back to his house where his sister speaks to Harry over him as if he’s a misbehaving child.

Then he’s back at square one.

“Look, Lou,” Harry sighs after he’s closed the front door. “Obviously you feel weird being here and I get it. I feel a bit weird too if it makes you feel better. But I promise I won’t do anything you don’t want me to. I’m sleeping on the sofa and you can have the bedroom to yourself for as long as you want. I’ll give you all the space you need but I have to be around to make sure you’re getting the right care, do you understand?”

Louis crosses his arms and refuses to meet Harry’s eyes.

“Don’t call me ‘Lou’.”

He walks away to the stairs feeling childish but also like he managed to get to Harry.

-

Life with Harry is...something. It’s something Louis never thought he would have or want because it’s domestic and maybe pretentious but in a way that he could see himself maybe enjoying.

Since he isn’t allowed back to work, he’s had no choice but to watch Harry live his life. The man wakes up at 5am every morning to go to the restaurant. He works until 5 in the evening then comes home to cook dinner with lots of green stuff and Fleetwood Mac in the background. 

And Louis’ wishful thinking turns out to be reality in regards to the pastries because Harry always brings him back something chocolatey at the end of the day.

If that was the entire picture, Louis can live with it.

Harry snores unbelievably loud. That means Louis can’t fall asleep for ages and just as he does, he’s woken up by Harry getting ready to head out at the crack of dawn. Bear in mind that they’re sleeping separately but because his bedroom is directly above the living room, the sound transfers very clearly.

Then on the weekend, Harry wakes him up at 6am to do yoga. 

Louis was barely coherent as Harry explains that they did yoga together every Saturday morning as he pulls out various articles of clothing and other things. When Harry hands him the skin tight shorts that he apparently wears, Louis pushes him out of the room and slams the door in his face before going back to bed.

One of the worst things is baby Max. Now, when Jen from next door first brought Max over, Louis had been happy. He loves babies and the tiny boy is adorable, with his chubby cheeks and fluffy hair. They spent the afternoon together and it seemed like they were friends because Jen seemed concerned about him and spent time catching up with his life since returning from the hospital.

After that, however, Max reappeared on their doorstep very often. Harry always seems happy to take him in, whether it was for a short while or a whole day, they are apparently the little boy’s designated babysitters. As much as Louis adores children, Harry looks ready to swallow them whole judging by his doting actions towards Max. Louis feels bad even thinking it, but he doesn’t always want a baby under his care, especially when he’s tired, so he finds himself annoyed with Harry’s lack of exhaustion and relentless willingness to help. 

Harry and his endless patience in general rubs Louis the wrong way for some reason. Louis barely talks to him or does anything other than watch TV all day and the man never snaps at him or gets angry. After the first week, Louis even started poking fun at his grandpa clothes, like the unbelievably baggy trousers or beige cardigan that he wears, and gross celery smoothies he drinks before the gym. Still, Harry says nothing.

To Louis, that’s weird. One of the main reasons they were never friends was because Harry wouldn’t let Louis get away with anything. No matter how many pranks he pulled, how many stupid jokes he made or annoying habbits he had, all his friends let him be. Harry always called him out on his shit if he was ever around and it’s eerily strange to see him be so nice to Louis since the accident.

With that in mind and Louis’ seemingly limitless boredom, he begins trying to break Harry.

He starts to leave his shoes scattered in the hallway so that Harry trips over them whenever he gets home. He does the laundry but leaves out fabric softener so that Harry’s ugly, floral shirts come out hard and needing a re-wash. He even drinks all of Harry’s special protein yoghurts even though they’re disgusting but nothing worked. 

One day, Louis is watching Blue Planet and eating salt and vinegar crisps when Harry comes into the room.

“Louis, can you not snack just before dinner.”

Huh. Interesting.

Louis carries on munching.

“Louis.”

Finally, Harry grabs the crisp packet out of his hands. “Stop being difficult. If you lose your appetite, you won’t eat your dinner and then you’ll feel nauseous later when you have to take your medicine.”

“Okay, sorry,” Louis smiles up at him.

It feels like a breakthrough, like Louis can start to feel normal, and that’s a relief to both of them. 

-

Harry leaves him alone in the house a lot. To be fair to him, he does have to go to work everyday. And Louis is okay with it because he’s still a bit uncomfortable with his constant presence. It does, however, mean Louis is left often bored and fidgety, wanting to be entertained. He’s never been one to sit still or be by himself for long periods of time.

He wakes up one day wanting to skate. He use to skate all the time when he was a teenager and he admits that since going to university, he doesn’t remember doing it so much. Come to think of it, he might not have even taken his board with him to London.

Having said that, he knows that skating was always fun for him and one of the best ways to let off pent up energy. Also, teenage Louis definitely thought that skateboarding made him extremely cool.

He searches everywhere in the house for a board. There isn’t one in sight, not even in the shed out back much to his dismay since he had to wade through gross spider webs and rust in his search there. Apparently, Harry’s obsessive cleanliness hasn’t quite reached there.

When Louis sets his mind on something, he pursues it until the very end. So, he calls Zayn.

Normally, Zayn will probably not come at his beck and call unless it’s an emergency. However, Louis has a feeling that the accident has made his friends and family very eager to be there for him no matter what. He can’t remember the last time he was able to make any plans with Zayn without at least two weeks notice (even that was touch and go) but today, Zayn shows up within an hour, two skateboards under his arm.

They hang out for a bit, drinking cans of Coke that Louis finds in the back of the fridge. Zayn is so laid back that Louis likes just chilling in his presence and talking about nothing.

Eventually, the go outside in front of the house to skate.

“Okay, Lou, you remember how to do this, right?”

Louis rolls his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, ‘course I do.”

Zayn looks skeptical. “I don’t know...I don’t see you often enough, to be honest, and I’m not sure when the last time you skated was, bro.”

“Okay well I’m reset back to seven years ago and according to seven years ago me, the last time I skated was a couple of weeks ago.”

Zayn still doesn’t look convinced.

Louis decides to ignore him and throw the board down on the sidewalk, ready to finally hop on.

Just as he’s about to do that, he looks up to make sure his path is clear and sees Harry walking towards the house.

“Hey,” Harry waves. “I didn’t know you were coming over, Zayn.”

Zayn greets him back and Harry explains that he came home for a long lunch. Louis has a feeling that he thinks that Louis is lonely.

“What are you guys doing?” Harry seems to finally realise that they’re outside and with skateboards in tow.

“I felt like skating,” Louis answers.

Harry frowns for some reason. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Lou.”

“What? Why not?”

“Because you haven’t skated in years and you might hurt yourself.”

Louis rolls his eyes and is about to argue back when Harry turns his attention to Zayn.

“How can you let him do this? And you didn’t even bring a helmet or pads for him, what the fuck, Zayn?”

“Excuse me? Let him?” Louis is fuming at being talked about like he’s a child. Meanwhile, Zayn looks like he wants to be swallowed by the ground. He hates confrontation.

“Enough, Louis. There’s no way you’re skating.” Harry picks his board up and decides to hold it ransom.

Louis wants to throw a tantrum right there on the street. After a second of consideration, though, he realises that he’s actually trying to tone down the idea of him being a child so he holds it in. Instead, he glares at Harry as hard as he can before storming into the house, making sure to slam the door behind him.

He feels so humiliated by Harry. Not only did Harry tell him what he can and can’t do, he was so rude to Zayn that it makes Louis uncomfortable to imagine what his friend must think of them. Does he think that Louis is incompetent? That he’s Harry’s little pet?

The front door opens to interrupt his moment of rage and Harry and Zayn come filing in.

“Look, Louis, I’m sorry about today,” Zayn says. “I should’ve known better than to risk you getting hurt like that.”

Louis frowns. “What? You don’t have to say sorry. I asked you to come here and I asked to skate.”

Zayn shakes his head. “No, it was stupid of me, sorry. I think I’m going to head out now, bro. Take care.”

Zayn gives him a tight-lipped smile before turning to give Harry a look that Louis can’t see. When he leaves, Louis ignores Harry in favour of going to the living room and watching The Simpsons.

Him and Harry barely talk for the rest of the day. They dance around each other and there are definitely more exchanges of hums and grunts than words. Despite that, Louis can’t be bothered to stay mad so by the time he’s in bed for the night, he’s pretty much let it go.

The next morning, he finds out that Harry has very much not let it go.

Louis greets him and tries to ask about what he’s up to at work today but Harry gives him barely anything. 

“Harry, why are you still mad?” Louis sets his mug of tea down to ask in frustration. “I got over it so you should, too. It’s whatever.”

Harry turns around to face him and he looks angry. He walks over to where Louis is standing between the table and the wall, getting increasingly close to his face.

“Do you know how stupid you were being yesterday? Going out on the street where cars could come by at any time, planning to skateboard even though I know you don’t remember how to, and not even wearing a helmet. You just came out of a bloody coma. You’re so fragile right now.”

Louis ducks his head. “Okay so I was being a bit reckless. Nothing happened, though, so you can relax.”

Harry nudges him against the wall, putting up his arms to cage Louis in. It surprises Louis and he gulps at the proximity. 

“How the fuck am I supposed to relax?” Harry asks, his face millimeters away from Louis’. “Do you know how much I fucking love you? Do you know the shit I’ve been through ever since I got that call from the hospital?”

Louis squirms under the hard gaze. “No,” he mumbles.

Harry uses his thumb to lift Louis’ chin up so that their eyes can meet. “I don’t care if you don’t remember; I made a promise to look after you. I can’t relax if I know there’s even a chance that you’re not safe.”

Louis carefully places his hand on Harry’s, maintaining eye contact. “I’m sorry.”

Harry looks at him for a moment without saying anything. “Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault and I’m not angry at you, I promise.”

He loosens his hold before planting a kiss on the top of Louis’ head, lingering ever so slightly. When he pulls away, he tells him that they’re rolling out a new menu item today at the restaurant, a salted caramel tiramisu, before wishing Louis a good day and leaving with his things.

Louis is left reeling all day, both with the heavy weight of Harry’s words and the ghost of his lips.

-

After a month, Louis is starting to think that his memory might never come back. Instead of panicking, he barrels onto a distraction in the form of trying to learn his job all over again from home.

He has his laptop and loads of paperwork so he’s been going through them, trying to make sense of it. He wants to try and set up a meeting with the university but he figures that if he at least seems like he knows a fair bit going in, they’re more likely to believe that he has a chance of going back to work.

Right now, he’s reading through a report that he apparently wrote last year, the pages seemingly endless, but he’s lost focus because Harry is sitting across from him, painting his nails atrociously. It looks like there’s more pink on his skin than his nails.

“Come here,” Louis sighs, putting down his work.

Harry looks up in surprise but then walks over to sit next to Louis on the sofa after he sees him pat the space.

Louis cleans off his nails with the cotton pads on the coffee table, shaking his head.

“You’re really shit at this, Harold.”

The nickname slipped and he hopes Harry doesn’t mind, remembering all the times that Harry used to irritatedly correct him when he called him that. Of course, that gave Louis incentive to always use it.

“Well, someone else used to always paint them for me.”

Louis only has to look up at Harry briefly to know that someone was him.

He ducks back down to start painting the freshly cleaned nails. “Useless, you are,” he mumbles.

He feels more than sees Harry’s smile.

-

As Louis likes to remind everyone often, recovering from memory loss is dull. He feels stuck while everyone else is moving rapidly on with their lives.

So he’s deciding to start getting out of the house more instead of moping about indoors. It’s practically winter so maybe he can’t go out every single day but when he sees that it’s bearable outside, he vows to at least take a short walk.

The fear of getting lost does plague him but when he told Harry about the idea, Harry liked it and said that he can just call him on his mobile if he ever does get lost. Or, just use Google Maps.

That settled Louis’ qualms and he’s now braving the outdoors.

It feels free to walk by himself, as crazy as that sounds considering he’s a grown adult. He wanders around, people watching a little, and checking if he notices anything strange. There are a lot more hipster food places around than he remembers even though this is London. He rolls his eyes thinking about how Harry probably frequents them.

He finds himself in an area littered with shops next to a small park and grabs a coffee before strolling through the grassy area. There are quite a few flyers up about a dog shelter nearby holding a special event, starting today and lasting through the weekend. Louis figures that dogs will definitely put him in a good mood so he heads to the address printed on the paper.

It’s nearby and when he arrives, the place looks relatively busy. The doors are wide open and there are yellow balloons everywhere and a few staff members adorning polo shirts to match.

“Hi!” one of the women there greets him.

“Hey,” he smiles back at her.

“Welcome to our open door day! Are you looking to adopt a dog for yourself?”

“Uh,” Louis figures most people here are. “I literally just saw the flyers and thought I’d drop by, if I’m being honest.”

“That’s okay,” she says. “Just a quick explanation, we hold these days a few times during the year to encourage people to adopt. Usually it’s when we’re most full and since winter is coming up, we really hope to find as many homes as possible for the dogs because they get quite glum being here around that time. The days are just an opportunity for anyone to come in and meet our gorgeous dogs and get to know them. They’re all in our hall where we’ve set up toys and you can ask for treats to feed them if you’d like. We also offer sponsorship opportunities if you’re not willing to adopt or even just a one time donation.”

Louis nods along to the information before thanking her and entering the building.

He finds the hall easily and sees so many dogs; it’s like he’s in heaven.

There are quite a lot of staff members on hand to oversee so he’s not too worried about them getting out of hand. There are a few people there, visiting and playing with the dogs. 

He’s not sure where to start before a blurry ball of dark fluff comes darting at him, putting his front paws up to Louis’ chest and panting at him excitedly.

He’s startled at first but as soon has he sees the dog’s chocolate eyes peeking through all his hair, his heart melts. The labradoodle is almost as tall as him and covered with soft, black curls that kind of reminds him of a certain other someone with lovely curls. He begins licking at Louis’ face, causing him to giggle at the friendly giant.

“That’s Clifford,” he hears a voice say. He turns to see a man in a yellow polo who must’ve approached him after seeing the dog, Clifford, leap in this direction. “He’s very friendly but you can probably tell.”

Louis laughs. “I can definitely see that.”

Clifford barks a few times before he jumps down from Louis’ front to instead run circles around him.

“I think he wants you to play with him,” the man comments.

“Yeah, yeah, I think I can manage that,” Louis smiles.

Clifford seems to understand because he runs off clearly expecting Louis to follow.

Louis does and they spend what must be hours playing. Clifford is the sweetest dog with unbelievable amounts of energy, happy to frolic and fetch as many balls and frisbees as Louis is willing to throw.

It’s Louis who tires first, slumping down to rest. Clifford pads over and curls himself between Louis’ legs, placing his head on his stomach. He’s just asking for a petting and Louis can’t deny him.

“I feel like Clifford’s fallen in love,” the man from earlier, who Louis learns is called Adam, says.

“Not as hard as I have,” Louis replies.

He checks his phone only to realise how late it is in the afternoon. It makes him stand up to leave but as soon as he does, Clifford begins whining.

It breaks Louis’ heart and before he knows it, he’s signing adoption papers and calling a taxi for more than one.

-

“Now, Clifford, when Harry comes home you have to promise to be good while I explain to him who you are, okay?” Louis holds Clifford’s chin up and tries his best to be stern. 

Adopting a dog without telling his husband seems like a bad idea in retrospect. However, he’s hoping that taking one look at Clifford’s adorable face will solve any potential issues. 

Before he can worry more, the door is opening and Clifford is shooting off towards it.

Louis follows him into the hallway, crossing his fingers for the best. He finds Harry crouched down, petting Clifford with a smile.

“Hi, boy! Who are you?” Harry coos.

“Hey, Harry,” Louis greets.

“Hi, Lou,” Harry smiles at him. “Whose dog is this?”

“Uh, it’s ours,” Louis answers. “I adopted him. While I was on my walk. Remember when I told you about that?”

Harry pauses.

“What?”

“Yeah, I said I wanted to leave the house more.”

“Um, I know about the walk, I just don’t remember hearing anything about adopting a dog.”

Louis starts to explain the flyers and the open door day at the shelter but for some reason, Harry is starting to look angry.

“What the hell, Louis?” he bursts. “How could you do this? I mean, I know that you’ve been trying to rile me up but getting a dog behind my back is just really inconsiderate. You could’ve told me you wanted a dog but you wanted to spite me so badly that you had to spring it on me. Did you forget that I live here too? That I own half of this house? That I’m your husband? Or were you too busy trying to get under my skin?”

Louis fishmouthes, at a loss for words. Before he can find them again, Harry leaves the house to his disbelief.

Clifford whines sadly at him and Louis frowns. He knew Harry might be taken aback but he didn’t realise that he’d be so mad. He feels really guilty and down after being yelled at so despite the still early hour, he traipses to his room and gets into bed straight away with Clifford curled up beside him.

-

Louis wakes up the next morning alone as usual. He blearily stumbles off the bed and walks downstairs to make himself some tea.

When he arrives at the kitchen doorway, he can hear Harry’s voice and pauses.

“So, yeah, sorry about yesterday, boy,” Harry is definitely talking to Clifford. “I didn’t mean to make a bad first impression.”

He can hear Clifford loudly munching on something, maybe a treat.

“You’re very cute but if I had to guess, it was you who fell in love with Louis and I can’t say I blame you. I wouldn’t want him to leave without me either,” Harry continues. “You have very good taste in humans, I’ll give you that.”

Louis bites back a smile before he walks into the kitchen.

“Morning,” he announces.

“Oh, er, morning, Lou,” Harry replies.

Clifford barks loudly and bounds over to be petted.

“Listen, I’m so sorry about last night,” Harry starts. He gestures for Louis to sit down when he sees him approach the kettle and when he does, Harry begins to make the tea for him. “I think I’ve been a bit stressed and I let it build up and it all just came out at once. This is your house and you can adopt a million dogs if you want to. Of course, we’d be rolling in fur if you do that but if it makes you happy, I can adapt.”

Harry ends his ramble by placing a mug of tea in front of Louis on the breakfast bar.

“No, Harry, you don’t have to apologise,” Louis sighs. “You were right. I was trying to annoy you. Not with Clifford, but with all the other stuff. I guess our dynamic just confused me and it didn’t feel natural so I don’t know, I wanted you to react to me.”

They pause to let Louis’ confession sink in.

“You’re right, I haven’t been myself,” Harry admits back. “I just, I don’t know how to behave, Louis. I don’t want to scare you and then I had a think about where we were seven years ago and I know that that Louis might have hated me but that Louis is you and it hurts to think that you hate me.”

“I don’t hate you,” Louis is quick to dispute.

“Well, maybe not hate, but you certainly didn’t love me.”

“No, that I didn’t.”

They let that hang in the air.

“Harry, I don’t think I’m ever going to remember,” Louis unloads the thought he’s been forming for a while now. “Whenever I have appointments to talk about my memory or I hear of other people’s testimonies, I can’t relate to any process of regaining memory.”

Harry looks devastated. “Okay.”

“But,” Louis takes a breath. “I feel something. Like I can’t describe it but I feel it inside of me. I feel towards you, like it’s corny but I think my heart remembers you so well, remembers everything, but my brain doesn’t.”

He looks Harry in the eyes, trying to convey how sorry he is.

“Why don’t you tell me how we fell in love?” Louis asks, a tiny plea in the question.

“No,” Harry says quietly. “Not yet.”

Louis doesn’t know what that means.

“Do you want some breakfast?”

Louis nods because he can handle waffles for now. He’s not sure about anything else.

-

Louis carries on trying to live his life. It’s less strained in the house now and he chalks it up to the talk they had but he thinks that actually, Clifford helps massively with any tension.

Having an excited dog in the house at all times can make anyone happy. Louis always has a reason to get out of bed now, and a good one, which is feeding and walking his Clifford. If Harry and him ever run out of things to talk about, they can always turn to Clifford because they’re absolutely smitten with the dog.

Louis decides to invite his friends over for dinner because he told them all about Clifford and obviously, they wanted to meet him. It’s also a good step in re-entering a social life of some sort. As it turns out, his friends are now very much Harry’s friends so it all works out.

They get pizza and beer and Louis watches as Liam, Niall and Zayn take turns petting Clifford. 

“He’s so cute, I want to die,” Niall says.

Louis giggles loudly. Perhaps too loudly. He’s only had two beers but then he suddenly realises that he hasn’t had alcohol since the accident.

His friends don’t seem to mind, happy that he looks healthy and his physical body is now basically back to normal.

At one point, Louis does walk past Harry and Liam in the kitchen. Harry has his head bent while Liam is holding both of his shoulders, as if he’s comforting him or giving him a pep talk. 

**_9 years ago_ **

_ Louis can’t actually believe he’s done with school. He knows that university is just around the corner but that’s completely different from school and sixth form. This week marked everybody’s last exams and they’re all celebrating with a house party. _

_ He picks Liam up and they head to Matt Sheridan’s house, very much ready to let loose.  _

_ The place is already rowdy with drunk teenagers when they arrive. It’s the perfect party atmosphere and Louis immediately grabs drinks from the kitchen. He’s going for fruity with lots of vodka tonight.  _

_ He ends up running into so many people from his classes that he feels like he’s talking way too much. What he needs to be doing is dancing. With that in mind, he leaves the group he’s chatting with to go into the living room where the furniture has been pushed aside for a makeshift dance floor.  _

_ The most overplayed pop songs blast through the cheap speakers and Louis kind of loves it. You simply can’t enjoy these parties if good music is playing. _

_ He’s feeling loose and moving excitedly to the beat when he feels a body come behind him. Whoever it is isn’t subtle because he starts to grind up against Louis’ back almost immediately. _

_ It’s difficult to simply happen upon gay guys around this area and Louis is very drunk right now so he lets himself lean back, encouraging the stranger. _

_ He doesn’t know how long that goes on for but after a few songs, he’s kind of done. The guy is a bit persistent and keeps trying to say stuff into his neck which is uncomfortable and to be honest, impossible to hear over the music.  _

_ Louis starts to look around, trying to find an escape, when he sees Harry with Liam draped over him. They’re walking through the room and he immediately abandons his spot to follow them. _

_ He catches up to them in the hallway and calls out for them to stop. Thankfully, the area isn’t too crowded as most people are in the kitchen, living room or garden. _

_ “Hey, what’s up? Liam? What’s going on?” _

_ Upon closer inspection, Liam looks awful. His eyes are heavily lidded and he’s limp in Harry’s hold. His face and hair are damp with sweat and Louis has never seen him like this. _

_ “He’s really drunk and having a bad trip. I think he took something.” _

_ “Fuck, should we get him to the hospital?” _

_ Louis turns from Liam to look at Harry roll his eyes. “ _ We _ shouldn’t do anything. I know the guys dealing at this party and their shit is nothing. I’m taking him home and I’ll look after him.” _

_ “Hey, what’s with the fucking attitude? I’m coming with.” Maybe if he was sober, Louis would let it go but Harry’s being an arsehole. More than usual. _

_ “Sure, act concerned now even though you ditched him all night when you were supposed to come here together.” _

_ “What the fuck? I’m not Liam’s fucking babysitter. Maybe that’s  _ your _ job but it sure as shit isn’t mine.” _

_ “Come off it, Louis. All you think about is yourself.” _

_ “What? Why are you even here? I didn’t even know you were coming. If you were maybe you should’ve been the one looking out for Liam.” _

_ “I wasn’t gonna come but I changed my mind. And thank God I did since Liam was almost passed out while you were practically fucking that guy in the living room.” _

_ Louis’ jaw drops. He’s never wanted to hit anyone but in that moment, he really wants to slap Harry Styles’ fucking face. _

_ “Don’t ever fucking speak to me like that again.” _

_ They glare at each other under the dim, yellow lights, both barely able to contain the spike of tense energy coursing through them. _

_ “I’m taking Liam home.” _

_ Harry turns away with Liam in tow, leaving Louis to stand there after he slams the front door closed.  _

_ Louis feels numb as he wanders back into the party. The random guy from earlier finds him, tries to make yet another move, and Louis half-heartedly pushes him away before asking to be taken home.  _

_ He knows it’s risky but he’s not thinking straight. He kind of wants the guy to just fuck him right there in the car out of spite. He kind of wants to cry. _

_ When they near his street, he tells him to stop. He says he’s not feeling well before he slips out of the car and walks the rest of the way home.  _

_ He hates himself for crying over the fact that Harry Styles can’t stand him. _

They look deep in the midst of whatever they’re talking about and Louis leaves them to it.

The night extends well past all their usual bedtimes and lasts even longer when his friends find it too difficult to say goodbye to Clifford. Eventually, though, they all head out, leaving behind empty pizza boxes and beer bottles all over the living room.

“We have messy friends,” Louis says, looking around.

“I think you’ll find that you’re the messy one,” Harry grins at him.

“I dispute that,” Louis pouts before he slumps onto the sofa.

He’s not really drunk but he is tipsy.

He feels Harry sit down beside him and turns to face him. 

“What? Do I have something on my face?” Harry asks him.

Shit, he was probably staring.

“Why did you cut your hair?”

Harry laughs. “What?”

“Your hair,” Louis reaches out to gently touch a loose curl. “It used to be really long. Pretty.”

“Did you like it like that?” Harry asks him.

Louis nods. “Loved it,” he whispers back.

Harry grins with a blush. “I’m sorry I cut it.”

“You should be.”

His fingers move to run themselves through Harry’s soft hair, imagining the long locks that he once had. It feels familiar to do it and Harry closes his eyes, seeming content. It soothes Louis too, somehow, and he ends up falling fast asleep. 

-

Louis is slowly getting to grips with his job. He called the university and they said that they’re happy to meet with him when he feels ready and that he should bring some medical records with him when he does so that they can figure out how to move forward. He has hope that he can return there someday, maybe even someday soon, and that motivates him to try and read through all the files he has.

They get tedious after a while, though, and it is getting late. It’s now December so the sun loses its light very early so even though it’s about to turn 5, he’s already had to turn on the lights.

He exits the spreadsheet he’s been looking at and starts clicking around on his laptop. Since he’s gotten his phone and Macbook back, he’s been hesitant to look through them too thoroughly in fear of finding something too shocking like a secret drug empire he’s been running. It seems unlikely but you never know.

He looks through a few folders labelled with dates and finds photos, mostly of his family. They’re sweet and make him happy thinking about how they must’ve all remained close throughout his adult years.

There’s an unnamed folder so he double clicks it curiously to find more photos. Then he actually takes a good look at them and audibly gasps. 

In front of him are dozens of photos of himself in very compromising positions.

He clicks on a few to enlarge them to find his body clad in very little clothing and feels his cheeks heat up rapidly. Some of them are just him sitting or laying down but others are utterly filthy. There’s one of him bent over the bed with red handprints littering his arse cheeks.

In some photos, he’s completely naked. Not only that but he can see his onscreen self doing very dirty things like spreading his legs or kneeling down and looking up at the camera.

He scrolls to the bottom of the folder to find two videos. He feels so overwhelmed so maybe he shouldn’t watch them but he can’t stop himself from shakily pressing play.

_ “You look so gorgeous, Lou,” the voice behind the camera says, sounding a lot like Harry. _

_ “Touch me,” Louis rasps, splayed out on the bed. “Please.” _

_ “I will, baby.” _

_ “Want you now,” Louis whines, making grabby hands. _

_ “Show me.” _

_ Louis blinks owlishly, biting his lips before slowly opening up his leg. The camera pans to his crotch and Harry groans. Louis then sticks his middle finger inside himself and begins to rock down on it. _

_ “Are you wet for me?” _

_ Louis nods as his hand continues to move.  _

Louis can’t believe there is a video of him fingering himself. He doesn’t remember ever even taking below the neck nudes.

_ After a while, the camera shakes as Harry gently grabs Louis’ wrist and moves it away. He then bends Louis’ legs into his chest, opening him up widely. _

_ “Please,” Louis begs wetly. _

_ “Fuck,” Harry mutters. _

_ The camera is picking up obscene sounds of him stroking himself. When his member comes into view, it’s huge and straining in his hand. He lines it up then pushes in and Louis moans. _

_ The video is only in a POV shot for a few minutes before it’s placed on what is probably the bedside table. From then on, there’s a wide view from the side of Harry pounding into Louis’ bent body, noisily shaking the headboard. _

_ “Daddy, please,” Louis gasps. _

_ And then Harry puts a hand over his throat, pressing ever so slightly, before Louis cums untouched. _

This type of sex, Louis can’t fathom experiencing. It’s so kinky and puts him in such a vulnerable position. He can’t imagine that even though he knows that a lot of this makes sense with his fantasies. 

_ Harry is still fucking into him harshly despite the fact that Louis just came. He’s now muttering praise as well as dirty words into his ears, some of which isn’t coherent enough to be picked up by the camera.  _

_ Louis is getting louder and louder, thrashing his arms about until Harry clenches them together tightly above his head. _

_ “Be a good boy and stay still for daddy. You don’t want to move when I cum and lose any of it, do you baby? If you move, my cum’ll leak everywhere and your hole won’t be nice and filled, will it?” _

Louis almost chokes as he watches his onscreen self gag for it so openly.

“You shouldn’t be watching that.”

Louis whips his head to see the actual Harry standing in the doorway.


	2. Chapter 2

**Harry’s POV**

Seeing Louis watch a video of them having sex is surreal.

It’s been difficult trying not to overwhelm him with the truth about their relationship since he remembers none of it so Harry’s heart is hammering with the knowledge that Louis is seeing a very explicit and intimate side of that relationship with no preparation. The last thing he wants to do is scare Louis and maybe this video has done just that.

Thankfully, the video seems to have come to an end even though Harry knows that it very much continues in the next one.

Louis’ face is red, his eyes wide and slightly glazed as he sits on their bed, staring at Harry.

“Louis, I’m sorry that you found that video,” Harry begins, walking towards him slowly. “Maybe I should’ve looked through your laptop and phone before I gave it back to you but I didn’t want to be controlling or invade your privacy.”

Louis remains silent and Harry cautiously closes the lid of the laptop and places it on the bedside table.

“I’m really sorry if you feel uncomfortable, I get it, and you can get rid of all of it if you want,” Harry barrels on. “If it makes you feel better, we both consented to it at the time but i realise that obviously you don’t remember it and you don’t have to believe what I’m saying now.”

He watches Louis’ face, standing a respectable distance away, as he attempts to gauge his feelings. It’s most likely bad and he might even have to leave the house for a while and give Louis some space.

“Did we always have sex like that?” Louis asks quietly.

Harry wasn’t expecting them to talk about the sex so he shuffles on the spot.

“Uh, we had different types of sex.” He winces at how weird that sounds. “The, um, kinks and things, we tried a few out and we like some of them. But we had just normal sex, too.”

Louis looks to be processing Harry’s answer.

Carefully, Harry sits down at the end of the bed.

“We only ever did what we were comfortable with and we always checked in on each other,” he explains.

Louis lifts his head up, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. “I guess I must’ve really trusted you.”

Harry wishes he didn’t have to guess, that he could just remember how much trust and love they have for each other. 

“I like to think you did.”

Another silence falls over them.

“Are you freaking out?”

“Not really,” Louis replies. “The opposite.”

“What?” Harry asks in surprise.

“I always used to think about what it would be like to have sex like that, like passionate and hot with kinks I’ve heard of, but I never really thought I’d get to because I never trusted any guy I was with enough to be so vulnerable.”

Sex with Louis has always been intense and amazing so Harry has a hard time thinking about Louis not having his needs fulfilled.

Louis scoots closer until he’s right in front of Harry’s face, kneeling on the mattress as he looks him in the eyes. “You really looked after me.”

His voice is so soft, almost tender, that it reminds Harry of Louis before the accident. The one that loves him and more importantly, knows just how much Harry loves him.

“Do you really believe that?” Harry asks thickly.

“I looked good under you, like I belonged there.”

This close, Louis smells so sweet and referencing the video makes Harry a little wild because he remembers the night all too well.

Harry can’t help but nudge his nose against Louis’ cheek, just taking him in. He feels a bit drunk on it, on how fucking pretty Louis is and how a moment like this after months of nothing ignites his insides.

“Harry.”

Harry closes his eyes and just lets himself feel, nuzzling into Louis’ space. He brushes his own face against the man’s chin, neck, the light wisps of his hair.

Then he’s pulling Louis into his lap with one arm and kissing his bitten lips. He really doesn’t know if he can ever stop when Louis starts to peck him with cute little pouts so he pushes his tongue between them and licks inside. 

He can feel how hard Louis is and he strains himself to keep his hands firmly on Louis’ waist instead of travelling south.

Louis starts to go pliant against him, just like he used to when he was really turned on, opening himself up for Harry to take. His body completely falls into Harry, giving up control.

Harry lays him down gently, still kissing his slack mouth, then proceeds to cover him completely with his own body.

“Fuck me, Harry.”

Harry could scream when he hears Louis’ desperate plea because he knows he can’t. They just can’t.

So he kisses Louis even harder, maybe hard enough to bruise him. He presses him deep into the mattress and relentlessly kisses him for what feels like hours. Slowly, it becomes more languid and Harry keeps his eyes open to see Louis get more and more woozy. He kisses his reddened lips a few more times before Louis is unresponsive, lost to sleep.

Harry lies awake for a long time.

-

Harry gets maybe three hours of sleep before he’s up the next morning.

He leaves Louis in bed and busies himself with all sorts of chores downstairs. He cleans anything he sets eyes on then fixes a bunch of stuff that probably didn’t need fixing like the almost straight door and the old DVD player that they never even use anymore.

It’s been tough since Louis’ accident. 

Obviously, he was worried sick about Louis’ physical well-being, scared to death that he would actually get taken away for good. The relief of his recovery was then short lived by the bombshell that Louis has forgotten his life for the past few years.

It prompted Harry to dredge up old memories about them that he honestly shoved to the back of his mind. Not because he hated them but because being in love with Louis in the present was taking up all his focus.

He was half in love with Louis all of his life and horribly in denial of it. It was a gruelling for his emotions right from the start when he believed that Louis and Liam were going to become an item. He used to always be the one to look out for Liam and thought he could see these things better than they can. When Liam started going absolutely everywhere with Louis after their move to Doncaster, he thought that they were besotted with each other. He was just waiting for the moment they realised it and announced their relationship.

That waiting turned to dread when he started finding himself staring at Louis all the time. The boy was always full of energy and had command over everything, like he was born to make people happy. Harry was always sitting back and admiring him without even realising.

When he did realise, he felt like crap for doing that to Liam and steadfastly avoided Louis.

Years down the line, Louis and Liam were still just best friends and Liam started to talk about girls a lot so Harry came to the conclusion that he was wrong. Of course, by then, he’d already created this tension that he couldn’t simply take back.

From then on, he just sat back. Louis seemed to be a permanent fixture in Liam’s life, therefore his life, so he got to watch Louis through the years. 

He never thought he had actual feelings for Louis. He was convinced that he was just fascinated by him. 

He wouldn’t ever let himself think about the low self-esteem he’d developed in foster care and how that made him believe that a boy like Louis was far too good for him.

Going from there to somehow getting to be with Louis and marrying him was the greatest stroke of luck Harry’s ever been granted. He doesn’t know if he’d get that lucky twice.

He’s been dancing around Louis, unsure of what to do. He’s terrified of spooking his husband but last night was obviously some reassurance that he’s not crazy to have faith that they would always love each other, no matter what. 

Glancing at the oven clock, Harry can see that it’s past 9 and that Louis will probably wake up soon. He takes out some eggs from the fridge and whips up an omelette to go with toast and tea.

The breakfast is thankfully still hot when Louis putters into the kitchen with mussed hair and cosy sweats.

“Morning,” Harry smiles at him.

He puts the food on the breakfast table and watches Louis slide into a seat before sitting down on one across from him, sipping from his own coffee.

“Did you sleep alright?”

Louis nods through his mouthful of eggs. “Yeah, it was good. Thank you.”

Harry doesn’t know if he’s referring to the breakfast or last night.

He watches Louis eat away at his breakfast, the cute way he chews his food with full cheeks and a twitchy nose. His jumper keeps sliding all over his shoulders with his movements and he just looks ethereal centred in the sunlight beaming in from the window behind him.

Normally, when Harry is feeling this lovesick, he can indulge his urges and scoop Louis up into cuddles. It really sucks that he can’t do that now.

“M’full,” Louis says softly.

Harry glances at his plate to find a slice of toast still uneaten as well as a bit of egg. Louis’ appetite goes very easily, especially when he’s nervous or excited and Harry is worried that last night’s incident is the cause.

“Can you just finish the egg?” Harry asks gently.

Louis looks annoyed but he picks up the fork and eats the last few mouthfuls.

He goes back upstairs afterwards to shower and brush his teeth while Harry cleans up. When he returns, he smells lovely and fresh in a big, red hoodie and asks Harry to come talk to him in the living room.

They sit on the sofa and Harry watches Louis fiddle with his small hands.

“Harry, do you think you’d want to go on some dates? With me?” Louis eventually asks.

Obviously, the clear answer is yes. Having said that, Harry is apprehensive about this new turn in their precarious relationship.

“Do you want us to go on dates?” he asks back.

“I think so.”

“Can you tell me why?”

Louis rolls his eyes. “Why the fuck do you think?”

Harry raises his eyebrows. “I don’t know, Lou, that’s why I asked you.”

“Because I think I like you, okay?”

“Are you sure it’s not because you think we have to? Because you know we’re married?”

Louis gets up from the sofa and starts pacing.

“Look, Louis, please don’t force yourself to do anything. You told me yourself that you don’t think your memory is coming back and to be honest, I think the same. Your last few appointments don’t seem to show much improvement and I haven’t noticed you remembering.”

“Fucksake, Harry, they’re new feelings, okay?” Louis blurts out. “Or really old feelings, I don’t know. Like I obviously remember you in general so there’s that but I’m not remembering our relationship or anything like that. I just, I’m starting to feel stuff for you. Stuff I don’t remember feeling before.”

Harry has been so fixated on the idea of Louis regaining memories about him that he didn’t think about completely new memories and feelings forming.

“I don’t get it, Harry, I thought this was what you would want,” Louis says, coming to sit back down.

It is what Harry wants. There’s just a niggling voice in his head that he needs to stifle.

“Of course I want to, Lou,” Harry sighs, smiling at him. “Let’s do it. We can go wherever you want, whenever.”

Louis grins at him, eyes crinkling so beautifully it makes Harry ache. “No, I’ll plan it. You just need to show up.”

-

Louis takes him on very Louis-eque dates.

Right now, they’re in a chip shop, loading their cones with vinegar before heading out for a walk in the park nearby.

“You look amused by my dates,” Louis says as they stroll.

“No, no, I’m really enjoying myself.”

Louis gives him a look.

“It’s literally nothing,” Harry says. “I just, I’m used to being the one doing the wooing that’s all.”

Louis snorts. “So, what, you think I’m trying to woo you?”

Harry tries to hide his grin in his scarf. 

“Alright, fine, what did you use to do that was so bloody special then?”

Harry thinks on it. “Nothing special really. I just used to plan things for us to do because you were busy a lot of the time and to be honest, you were spontaneous even though you wanted to do all sorts of things so I used to just take mental notes when you talked about food places or things you wanted to do. Then I’d book them. So, actually, it was teamwork.”

“I feel like you spoil me too much.”

Harry smiles at his use of present tense. “Not possible.”

They walk until they reach a pond that spans widely, reflecting greenery onto its rippling surface. There’s a bench facing it and they sit down to watch the ducks and swans floating on the water.

“Harry, can you tell me about how we got together now?” Louis presses. “I really can’t picture it.”

Harry feels himself become cagey at the question. He knows that Louis has asked before but he still doesn’t feel like telling him.

Thankfully, Louis only badgers him for a little bit before he realises that Harry really isn’t going to tell him. They stay on that bench, arguing about whether people should feed ducks, until it’s dark and Harry can’t feel his fingertips. Louis stole his gloves hours ago and they huddle close on the walk home.

-

Harry doesn’t know if clubbing really counts as a date but Louis seems to think it is so they’re heading out to a club on a Friday night.

He can’t remember the last time we went to a club. There’s something about growing up that makes crowded, loud places completely unbearable.

Harry would go clubbing everyday, however, if it means he gets to see Louis look so insatiably delectable every time. He swears that he almost swallows his own tongue when he sees Louis come down to the living room after making Harry wait for nearly an hour. That hour was so worth it. His husband is clad in tight, black skinny jeans and a sheer white long-sleeve that does little to hide his chest piece. His hair is feathery and carefully styled so that the fringe falls onto his face but doesn’t cover his pretty eyes. There’s a sliver of ankle showing above his platform vans and he smells like jasmine.

“You ready to go?” Louis asks.

Harry slams his jaw back up and nods before standing. “You look so beautiful, Lou.”

Louis blushes. “Thank you. So do you.”

Thankfully, the taxi arrives just then so that they don’t start actually shuffling their feet like school boys. 

When they arrive, the club is packed. Harry planned ahead and got them entry online so that they don’t have to queue, which is a relief. Once inside, they head to the bar and order. They take their drinks to a tall able meant for standing around and settle in, watching people come and go through the fluorescent lights.

They try to make conversation but it’s difficult. The music is so loud and the DJ they’ve hired tonight is irritating, jumping in to talk nonsense every few minutes. There’s an air of awkwardness between them and Harry hates it.

They stand there for about half an hour before Harry excuses himself.

He goes to an area at the back of the building that’s thankfully quiet for now and pulls out a cigarette to light.

Harry has never been a smoker. He’s done a lot of stupid stuff, some worse than cigarettes, but he just never picked up the habit.

Recently, though, he’s been lighting them and taking two or three puffs before watching them burn down. It started when he found a pack of Louis’ cigarettes in a drawer. Louis never really smoked regularly until the last year of uni. It used to drive Harry crazy but ever since the accident, Harry realises that Louis hasn’t had the desire to smoke. Ironically, the smell of cigarettes reminds him so much of his Louis. They remind him of late night talks and random kisses and tired cuddles. Louis always smells sweet but there is often an underlying smokiness to it that Harry hasn’t caught a whiff of in so long.

As he’s watching the amber heat travel down the paper, Louis comes out and calls for him.

“Harry?” He walks closer to where Harry is leaning against the brick wall. “Why are you smoking?”

**_11 years ago_ **

_ Harry arrives home late after hanging out with a few of his mates. His parents are out on a date, he thinks, but the lights are all on which must mean that Liam is here. And usually, Louis is with him. _

_ He walks to the kitchen to see if he’s right but it’s empty. The porch light is on, though, so he slips out to the garden to see Liam and Louis sitting on the steps.  _

_ They’re smoking a cigarette between them. _

_ “What the fuck?” _

_ They both whip their heads around to look at him. Liam seems guilty. _

_ “Are you guys smoking?” _

_ Liam stands up to face him. “I was just trying it, Harry, no big deal.” _

_ Then Louis is standing as well. “Yeah, Harry, no big deal.” _

_ Harry frowns at his brother before turning to Louis. “Why would you make him smoke? And in our house as well? Our parents can find out so easily.” _

_ Liam pats him on the shoulder. “Harry, chill out, it’s okay. I only took a few puffs and I didn’t really like it.” _

_ Harry is still staring at Louis, waiting for him to say something, _

_ “He’s not going to die from one cigarette, stop being so bloody uptight.” _

_ Harry exhales a deep breath, “You’re fucking unbelievable.” _

_ Louis grins at him with a hard glint in his eyes. “Aww, thanks, Harold.” _

_ Harry storms back inside, heading for his room and ignoring Liam call out for him before scolding Louis. _

Harry doesn’t answer Louis’ question; instead he flicks the cigarette butt onto the ground and crushes it with his foot.

“Are you not having a good time?”

Harry turns to look at him. They were both in that club; Louis felt the awkwardness, too. 

Louis grabs at his forearm and Harry lets him drag him back inside.

He follows Louis through the crowds until they’re on the dance floor. There’s a low-beat song playing and Louis starts to dance, hands touching at Harry’s shoulders as if to encourage him to do the same. 

Harry begins to move to the music but he mainly watches Louis dance in front of him. He watches his husband’s hips swivel and feet bounce. He watches as sweat starts to dampen his perfectly styled hair, the heat tinging his lovely face so Harry sees flashes of pink when the light hits him.

After a while, he dances into Harry’s space, putting his body close enough to Harry that there’s barely a hair’s width in between them. Harry can feel his short breath against his neck as Louis continues to move in rhythm.

He feels stupid just standing there while Louis throws himself at him. He knows that Louis wants him to make a move, just grab his hips or graze his lips along his tilted neck. He wants so badly to do that, maybe even possessively squeeze his behind and grind down or corner him into a wall and force him to dance only for Harry’s eyes.

He hates himself for not being able to. He hates himself for not wanting to make a move on his own husband. He hates wishing that Louis is a done deal, like he’s unquestionably his.

-

Harry comes back home from work to find Louis visibly shaking with anger. He’s sitting in the living room like he hasn’t moved in hours, just waiting for a confrontation.

“Hey, Lou,” Harry calls out tentatively. “What’s wrong?”

Louis looks up at him, eyes squinted and hard. “What the fuck is this?”

He pulls a piece of fabric out and waves it in Harry’s direction. Harry leans in for a look and his heart drops at the sight of the white, lace panties. He can feel himself flush from the neck up.

“I found this mixed in with your underwear. Did you seriously cheat on me?” Louis asks. “Oh my god, was it during my coma? How fucked up is that? Fuck. And don’t even fucking dare say it’s my sister’s because I will chop your dick right off.”

Harry takes a deep breath before moving one step closer to Louis, careful not to unnerve him any more. “It’s nothing like that, Louis. Please listen to me.”

“Well what the fuck is it then?”

“Fuck.” Harry runs a hand over his face. “They’re yours.”

Louis’ face scrunches up in confusion. “What?”

“They’re your panties.” Harry hopes he’s not visibly wincing.

“Why the hell would I own panties?”

Harry tries his best to choose his words carefully. “You would wear them sometimes.”

Louis is still frowning. “For sex?”

“Not always. I mean, yes, you did wear them for sex but I think you just like to wear them around the house sometimes?”

Louis does not look okay sitting on that sofa. He looks pale and panicky, like he really wants to deny what Harry is saying. It’s hurting Harry because he never wants to be in a position where he knows more about a person than they do.

“Lou…” Harry tries to say something, anything, but Louis stands up and walks away.

Harry stays away to give him his space. He cooks a dinner that he knows won’t be eaten and he watches a random soap on the telly.

Eventually, he heads upstairs to try and talk to Louis again.

He walks into their room to see Louis laying on his side over the covers. He looks small and his breathing is uneven enough to let Harry know he’s not sleeping.

Harry sits down on the carpeted floor next to the bed. “Louis, what are you thinking right now? Talk to me.”

Louis blinks at him. “S’not your fault, don’t feel bad.”

Harry shakes his head. “Nevermind me. I know it’s nothing to do with me.”

“I’m just thinking about how fucked up and insecure I am. All this stuff I did, that takes guts and trust and I- I don’t know how I got there.” Louis’ voice comes mumbling out as the left side of his face is pressed into the pillow still.

“Maybe I should hide stuff like that from you. I mean, between this and those photos you found, I feel like these discoveries aren’t exactly helping you. I just feel guilty doing that. I don’t know if it’s my place.”

Louis sits up. “Harry, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for accusing you of cheating and for freaking out.”

“It’s okay.”

Louis looks down at his lap then raises his head, like he doesn’t know where to train his eyes. “I really thought that I’d have to man up eventually. People always said shit about me being camp and stuff and it was just the way they said it, like I should be embarrassed. And guys who liked guys like them for a reason, right? They want to date boys. It’s so fucked up. I swear I don’t hate myself. I just thought maybe I had to.”

Harry listens until he knows Louis is done. “Lou, I paint my nails. I like weird clothes; I even wear women’s clothes sometimes. My friends call me Sue. You’ve never judged me for any of that, ever.”

“So you’re just okay with it? You let me indulge in stuff like that? Stuff like the pants?”

“I’m more than okay with it. I love everything about you.”

They sit quietly for a while.

“You can get off the floor if you want.”

Harry smiles, planting his hands down before pushing up. He goes to sit beside Louis on the bed.

“I’m sorry I made such a big deal about a pair of fucking panties. You must think I’m crazy.”

“You’re not crazy. Just, if you ever find stuff again that you don’t understand please come and talk to me. I’ll explain everything to you. And don’t feel pressure to actually understand it. I know you don’t remember so it’s okay to leave things alone if you want to. You don’t have to do certain things if you, right now, don’t want to.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

Harry looks at him, waiting until he’s ready to meet his eye. 

“It’s hitting me massively right now that you’ve seen me in panties. And naked. And doing God knows what else. It’s kind of embarrassing.” 

Harry bites his grin. “That’s not embarrassing. One time, you tried to make pancakes and they came out so burnt and disgusting that the photos I took of them went viral on twitter. Now,  _ that’s _ embarrassing.”

Louis groans before he grabs a pillow to whack Harry in the head with. “How could you do that to me?”

Harry laughs. “If it makes you feel better, you’ve done way worse to me.”

Louis cracks a smile at that. “Good to know I’m still the king of pranks.”

“You’re a huge menace.”

“Yeah but apparently you love everything about me.”

Harry can hear the question underlying the teasing.

“I do.”

As much as it scares him that he’s so open about loving someone who currently may not love him back, Harry realises that his job is to reassure Louis. His boy is lost and confused and he needs an anchor. He needs to get over his fear of scaring Louis with the truth because as it turns out, the truth is the only thing that can help Louis feel safe. If he knows who he has become and how loved that person is, he should feel secure in this life no matter what happens next. He should know that everyone has his back, ready to make new memories with him if his old ones never return.

-

Harry finds himself so busy during the lead up to Christmas but that’s not unusual with his line of work. The restaurant goes all out with a full festive menu that obviously requires all sorts of delicious desserts. He loves it, though, even if it means sneaking off to the bathroom to search up gifts for his friends and family.

He finds himself closing the restaurant on a Thursday night, something he rarely ever does. Various people’s conflicting plans meant that he was the only option for the job and to be honest, he doesn’t mind doing it once in a while. Sure, it’s tedious and annoying to have to stay so late to clean up but at least he can say he does his part, is a team player and all that.

He’s busy stacking the dishes when his phone rings from the counter by his boss’ office. It turns out to be Louis who says he’s at the front of the restaurant, waiting to be let in.

Harry goes to do just that, albeit confusedly. “Hey, what are you doing here? I thought I texted to tell you I’m closing tonight?”

Louis is wrapped up in a thick scarf and grey beanie, the tip of his nose coloured red from the chill. He scoots into the restaurant and gestures for Harry to close the door.

“I thought you might like some company.”

“Okay, yeah, thanks.”

Harry guesses that’s a nice gesture and starts leading them back to the kitchen.

He explains to Louis all the things he has to do and Louis nods along before he hops onto a counter, legs swinging as he watches on. He’s still wearing his scarf because Louis gets cold so easily.

“Did I use to come here a lot, then?”

Harry is sorting through the cutlery. “Uh, not really, if I’m honest. You were busy and you barely ever came since it’s a busy place and I would be working back here anyway.”

“So we weren’t so perfect after all, then.”

Harry lets the comment slide, carrying on with his various tasks. As he works, Louis chatters to him about his day, telling him that Clifford tried to burrow out of the garden and was very much reprimanded. He also says that he felt bad and ended up giving him a treat and is now worried that Clifford thinks he’ll get rewards for being naughty.

He then manages to find a menu lying around and proceeds to look through it, saying that customers obviously come for the amazing desserts. It makes Harry annoyingly happy because Louis used to always overhype him, was firmly rooted in the spot of his number one supporter.

“I’m glad that this is what you do now.”

Harry is close to being done and he looks up to quirk an eyebrow at Louis’ comment. “Yeah?”

“Mhm,” Louis continues. “Liam used to say that you wanted to be a lawyer. And I used to say you would suck as a lawyer.”

Harry squawks in indignation. “Heeey.”

“I thought you were such a grump that law would only make you worse.”

“I wasn’t a grump! I admit I was guarded for a while after foster care but I refute that I was a grump.”

Harry has completely abandoned his work now to walk over and talk to Louis. 

Louis rolls his eyes. “You were always trying to stop Liam from having fun! Anytime I wanted to go out or, God forbid, ditch an art class, Liam would be like, ‘no, Harry will be so mad’.”

“I didn’t want us getting in trouble with our parents right after they just adopted us.”

“Hey, I don’t remember a lot but I do know that I’ve never pitied you.”

Harry pauses. “I know.”

Being adopted out of foster care at an older age meant it was pretty obvious at school. Lots of kids would treat him and Liam a bit differently and it drove Harry crazy. Louis never once made them feel like that.

“I love that.”

Louis smiles at him. “Is there food we can steal?”

Harry chuckles before he disappears off to the walk-in freezer. He returns with a tub of mint ice cream.

Louis makes grabby hands at it and Harry gives in, reaching to the side to grab them spoons. 

“That’s your redeeming quality, Styles,” Louis says between mouthfuls of ice cream. “You have good enough taste to know that mint choc chip is superior.”

Harry laughs. “Oh yeah? Is that what you remember of my good traits?”

“Yeah, you were the reason I could eat mint ice cream every time I went to Liam’s.”

Harry wants to kiss him so badly in the moment. Louis is being cheeky, flirty and annoyingly charming. Not to mention how he smells like freshly laundered clothes, unbelievably sweet and heady. 

Harry chooses to smear ice cream on Louis’ cheek instead which earns him a shriek and a hard shove. That leads to a tussle that ends up with them flustered on the ground. Thank God they just had the floors cleaned.

He doesn’t want the feeling to come to an end. Somehow, they’ve managed to get a spark going, a type of silly excitement and precarious giddiness in the stomach that only ever happens late at night between two people with feelings for one another.

So he starts talking about the ovens. He explains which one does what and the type of pastries he bakes so often that he could do it in his sleep.

Louis listens to him quietly, just like he always did when Harry talked about his dreams. 

Eventually, Harry gets up to double check that everything is done correctly, that appliances are turned off for the night. When he comes back, Louis is asleep right there on the floor.

Harry gently lifts him into his arms and carries him to his car that’s parked out back. He carefully places him into the front passenger seat, taking off his own jacket to drape over Louis’ front before buckling him into his seat belt. He closes the door then goes to lock everything up.

He thinks it must be past 1am as he drives them home that night. There’s not a person or car in sight as he navigates the roads. Yet, the feeling that he’s beginning to have for a while now is back again; he’s not alone anymore.

-

He’s just come back from a long day and barely put his keys down before Niall is knocking on his door. 

“Hey, man,” Harry greets as Niall shuffles his feet on the doormat. “Sorry but I feel like I can’t remember expecting you.”

Niall just smiles at him, easy-going as ever. “Nah, I wanted to drop in and see how Louis is doing. I know he must be going crazy in the house and I wish I could come by more but you know how it is with work.”

Niall lives outside of London so Harry knows that it’s not easy for him to casually come by.

“Don’t worry, mate, Louis knows that,” Harry reassures him as he gestures for them to go into the living room. “He’s gone out for the day to see people at the university so he’ll be back in an hour or so, max. You want to wait?”

Niall shrugs and easily agrees to hang out until Louis comes home. He immediately raids Harry’s kitchen, like he knows that Harry has been bringing home an awful lot more leftovers this past week than usual.

They talk on the sofa, catching up on each other’s lives since the last time they saw each other.

Harry tells him about the time he came home and found out that Louis had spent the day watching both The Vow and Secret Obsession on Netflix. He was so confused and kept ranting about whether Harry was Channing Tatum or the creepy, glasses guy. 

He calmed down when Harry showed him their marriage certificate but Harry did catch him searching up how to authenticate it.

Niall laughs at the story, understanding how Louis it was.

“How are you still not freaking out?” he asks. “I mean, I know you’re worried about him but you’re kind of calm about his memory loss.”

“Uh, I don’t know really,” Harry coughs, fiddling with the coasters on the coffee table.

“Oh come on, Harry.”

“Alright,” Harry sighs. “The truth is that when we got together, Louis told me that he used to fancy me. So if he is like, reset back to 21 or 22 then he should still fancy me?”

“Makes sense.”

“I don’t know,” Harry admits. “I believed him at the time and I wanted to believe it when we found out about his memory. But sometimes I wonder if he just said that, like he didn’t actually fancy me when we were younger.”

“Come on, Harry,” Niall says. “I knew you guys in uni and you always had a thing. Like I didn’t care about it that much because it’s none of my business but now that you’ve said that, I can totally see Louis fancying you.”

Harry chews his mouth in thought. “Niall, the first couple of months were really difficult. I had that faith but Louis used to look at me strangely and he was so cold to me.”

Niall tries to reassure him some more but Harry feels weird now, like voicing his worries like that makes them too real.

When Louis comes home soon after, Harry leaves them alone to talk while he makes dinner in the kitchen.

-

Later that night, Harry is in their bedroom grabbing some pyjamas when Louis emerges from the en-suite in his fluffy bathrobe.

“Harry, I heard what you were saying to Niall earlier.”

Harry pauses.

“I wasn’t really eaves-dropping, you guys just didn’t hear me come in.”

“What part are you talking about?”

“The stuff about me fancying you?”

Louis tugs at his arm and they seat themselves on the end of the bed.

“I wasn’t lying,” Louis tells him. “Whatever I said to you, I wasn’t lying. I’ve always liked you even if I never admitted it. Even to myself.”

“What? Are you sure?”

“Yeah, it really freaked me out when I woke up and found out we were married,” Louis reveals. “I felt like someone had read my deepest thoughts or found a diary I don’t remember writing to pull out one of my biggest secrets to play a cruel prank on me.”

Harry tries imagining what that means.

“Okay, so imagine that nightmare everyone had in school where everyone in the class found out about your crush and made fun of you at lunchtime. Just multiply that by 100 and that was me in the hospital.”

“You had a crush on me?”

“I don’t know!” Harry frowns in confusion. “Okay, look, I’ve just been thinking about us a lot since the accident. I’ve been trying to piece together how we could end up married based on what I do know about us. And I just, well, I know that I always want your attention. Ever since we were kids. And I like how protective you are. I remember all the stories Liam told me about how you always stuck up for him. You know, he knows that you told all the parents that went to the foster home that you and him were brothers and that you didn’t want to be separated because you knew Liam wouldn’t be able to handle it. I admire you for being so strong and caring and I don’t know, I remember wishing that you would look after me. I’m a bit of a loose canon, if you haven’t noticed, and you’re this really warm, sturdy, good person that’s always around but never close enough.”

Harry sits for a moment, processing what Louis just told him.

“Lou, I didn’t know you felt like that.”

“I never told anyone.”

Harry gently cups Louis’ left cheek, feels his lovely skin against his palm. “I always want to be there for you. If you thought I was protective or caring when we were just acquaintances, you have no idea the lengths I’d go to for you once you started letting me in.”

Louis looks up at him with those blue eyes, wide and beautiful. “Then tell me.”

And Harry knows it’s time to tell him about how they came together.

“Okay.”

**_Seven years ago_ **

_ Harry leaves Tesco with a pack of beer and a few cans of Pringles, texting Liam to let him know that he’s on his way over. _

_ Since their move to London, Harry feels like Liam thinks he’s somewhat lonely. The truth is that school is hard and Harry wants to do well. He appreciates his brother’s concerns but he doesn’t feel obligated to give in to him all the time. Tonight is different, though. The end of term is nearing and Liam wants to have people over to chill and maybe get a bit drunk. Harry knows everyone going and he’d like to actually relax for one night. It’s not like it’ll be a loud party full of people he doesn’t recognise. _

_ He gets buzzed up to Liam’s flat and greets Niall and his brother with warm hugs.  _

_ “Okay, Zayn says they’ll be here soon so I’m ordering pizza,” Liam announces after Harry puts the beer in the fridge.  _

_ Niall immediately gets the Dominos app up to start contemplating which toppings he’s feeling tonight while Harry moves to the living room to flick through films. Liam knows what he likes. _

_ After they order, they join Harry on the sofa and start drinking. Soon enough, Zayn arrives with Louis in tow. _

_ Harry doesn’t know Zayn as well as he knows Niall but he’s still friendly with him. As for Louis, their relationship is the same as it always is.  _

_ He decides to go and get them some drinks from the kitchen so he leaves the living room to do just that. _

_ “Hey.” _

_ Harry turns around to see Louis standing at the door. He’s wearing a big, cream jumper and his hair is soft and falling over his face. It looks a lot longer than the last time Harry saw him.  _

_ “I was just getting you and Zayn a drink. Is beer okay?” _

_ “Oh, yeah,” Louis nods. “I was coming to do the same. Thanks.” _

_ Throughout that evening, Louis drinks a lot of beer.  _

_ Harry never really thought of him as a huge drinker. He’s also extra loud and obnoxious. He pesters just about everyone and talks incessantly. He even manages to piss Niall off by spilling a drink all over his phone.  _

_ “Let’s go out,” Louis yells suddenly, jumping up. _

_ “No, Louis,” Liam sighs. _

_ “Maybe we should head home,” Zayn suggests. _

_ “Nooooo!” Louis protests. “I wanna stay up! Let’s do an all-nighter, lads.” _

_ “No way,” Niall shakes his head. “I’m so fucking tired. I’m gonna crash here, Liam.” _

_ “You all suck,” Louis pouts before wandering off, presumably to the toilet but at this point, who knows.  _

_ Harry hasn’t said anything because he never does when it comes to Louis. Normally, it’s because he’s sort of annoyed but tonight, he thinks there’s something different going on. _

_ “What the fuck is up with Tommo?” Niall groans. “He’s getting on my tits.” _

_ “Mine and all,” Zayn agrees. “And I’ve spent most of the day with him. He’s been so buzzed and loud, I think I have a headache.” _

_ “Yeah, I admit he’s really annoyed me,” Liam chimes in. _

_ “You should’ve got him stoned or something, then,” Niall says to Zayn. _

_ “Fuck that,” Zayn scoffs. “He could barely sit still for a second, let alone wait for me to roll one.” _

_ “Just get him an Uber and then we can watch the rest of the movie,” Liam says. “Or, like, rewind to where Louis talked over it.” _

_ “So, from the beginning then?” Niall jibes. _

_ Zayn snorts. _

_ “Can you all shut the fuck up?” Harry bursts. “He’s your fucking friend and you’re all sitting here bitching about him? Something is obviously up with him, for fucksake. I’m gonna go drive him home since none of you seem to give a shit.” _

_ Harry stands up and leaves the room before they can say anything. _

_ In the hallway, he sees Louis stumbling out of the toilet. He looks rough, hair mussed and eyes sunken in. He wipes his mouth with a sweater paw before looking up at Harry. _

_ “Come on, Louis, I’m taking you home.” _

_ Louis frowns. “What?” _

_ Harry looks at him then gently places a hand at his back, guiding him towards the front door. Louis slumps his shoulders as if he’s tired and done, walking where Harry wants him to. _

_ Thankfully, Harry only had a beer or two that night so he feels comfortable driving. They sit in the car in silence and Louis’ compliance definitely confirms his theory about there being something wrong. Normally, Louis would be highly suspicious of Harry just taking him somewhere. They’ve barely spent any time alone together in the years they’ve known each other. _

_ When they get to Louis’ flat, Harry asks him to find his keys to unlock the door. It takes some drunken fumbling but Louis eventually manages to get them inside. _

_ The flat is dark and quiet so Harry assumes that Louis’ flatmates are either asleep or out. He thinks there are only two of them and they might both be girls from his course. _

_ Harry switches the light on and leads Louis towards the sofa and gently nudges him to sit. He then goes over to the kitchen for a glass of water before returning to hand it over to Louis. _

_ “Do you feel like you’re going to be sick?” Harry watches as Louis slowly gulps down the water. _

_ Louis places the glass down on the coffee table. “No. To be honest, I feel like I threw everything up at Liam’s. Not even that drunk now.” _

_ Harry nods.  _

_ Louis then pulls off his Vans and socks, bringing his legs close to his body and curls himself into the corner of the sofa. _

_ “Are you going to be okay?” _

_ Louis closes his eyes shut and breathes heavily. It worries Harry. _

_ “Louis,” Harry wants to reach out for him so badly in that moment. “What’s wrong?” _

_ When Louis blinks his eyes open again, they’re shiny with tears and Harry’s heart breaks. _

_ “My mum called me this morning,” Louis says quietly. “She’s really sick.” _

_ Harry watches in horror as Louis’ face crumples. “What did she say?” _

_ Louis shakes his head. “Not much. She doesn’t want me to worry but I knew from her voice it’s bad. Then I called my sister and she told me that mum’s been in hospital for over a week now. And I’m not allowed to go and see her because she doesn’t want to be fussed over.” _

_ Louis sniffles, wiping away stray tears with his sleeve. “Lou, if you really want to go see her, I’ll drive you. Right now.” _

_ Louis shakes his head. “I just have to ride out this term then go home. You don’t know her; if I go now without finishing my exams and classes, she’ll be so angry.” _

_ Harry has no idea what to say. He feels so bad for Louis as he looks at the boy, small and vulnerable beyond belief. _

_ “Do you feel too sick for hot chocolate?” _

_ Louis lifts his head to look at Harry, like he wasn’t expecting to hear that. Or that he wasn’t expecting to see Harry in front of him at all. It might have just hit him that he’s vented to Harry of all people. Harry holds his breath, hoping Louis doesn’t kick him out. _

_ “Actually, I could do with a cheeseburger right now,” he says. _

_ “Really?” _

_ “Yeah. With fries. And, um, strawberry milkshake.” _

_ He smiles just a tiny bit, almost shyly. It’s really fucking cute.  _

_ Harry coughs. “Uh, okay, I’ll be right back.” _

_ Harry leaps up and practically runs out of the door. He pulls up Google Maps and locates the nearest McDonalds before heading straight there. His heart is racing as he drives, almost yearning for Louis. He wants so badly to just look after him.  _

_ He orders the food in record time before speeding through the empty roads back to Louis’ flat. _

_ That night, he watches old episodes of Gogglebox and tries to not glance over at Louis munching on his food. Harry doesn’t know what time they eventually fall asleep on that sofa but he does know that the next morning is the first of many waking up next to Louis. _

“Oh my god, was my mum okay?”

Harry pauses to look at Louis. “You saw her, Lou, she’s fine.”

Louis still looks concerned. “She was ill for a while but she got treatment and eventually she got better. I promise you, Lou. She’s okay now.”

Louis shakes his head. “But she wasn’t. And I forgot all about it.”

“Hey, no,” Harry takes his hand. “Those memories are fucking horrible. For everyone. What’s important is that she’s healthy now and has been for years. Please believe me.”

Louis looks at the plea in Harry’s eyes. “So is that it then? After that night, you and I, we were together?”

“No, not really,” Harry reveals. “After that night, I think it felt like we were in on this thing together. You didn’t want to tell anyone about your mum and I couldn’t forget about it. You would come to my flat a lot, because I lived alone in a little studio. We would just talk and watch TV. I knew, though, after the first few times you showed up.”

“Knew what?”

“That I’d end up falling in love with you.”

Louis blushes a brilliant pink and Harry smiles. He misses the way Louis reacts to his ridiculous declarations of love.

“How did we ever get over all that tension? We built it for nearly ten years.”

Harry shrugs. “We bickered a lot, I’ll admit it. But you know, you’re very soft and sweet and as soon as I figured that out, it was easy. You couldn’t fool me anymore with any act.”

Louis bites his lip, chewing on it slightly. “That’s scary.”

Harry shakes his head in disagreement and kisses the hand he’s holding. “It’s not. I love you for who you are 100%. Every single part of you.”

Harry hopes that Louis is reassured but he thinks that his husband is more likely overwhelmed. These conversations feel inevitable but he can imagine how disorientating some of the information can be for Louis.

“Get some sleep, love,” Harry says gently. 

He lets go of Louis’ hand to peel back the covers and wait for Louis to slip in. Once his head hits the pillow, Harry covers him with the duvet. He then hesitates, looking at Louis until the man returns his gaze. His eyes offer Harry a greenlight and he bends down to kiss Louis’ forehead, only lingering for a moment before pulling away. He shuts the light off and leaves the room, heading for the sofa even though he wishes he could stay with his husband.

-

After talking about their feelings, Harry decides it’s time that they have some fun. Their relationship has always been full of laughter and they need that energy in their life together if they’re going to make this work.

He eases up and starts flirting with his husband again. It’s not until he tries it that he realises his skills are a little rusty. Even so, he lives for Louis’ blushing and giggles.

He tells Louis how gorgeous he looks every single day and he teases him relentlessly about his compact size and adorable habits like the way he nibbles his food. 

In turn, Louis reciprocates. He groans at Harry’s jokes before immediately ducking his head to laugh at them and asks stupid questions just to get some attention on him. It really reminds Harry of when they first started dating.

He also finds every excuse under the sun to touch Harry. Louis is constantly nudging at his arm or swatting his shoulder or brushing his hand. It drives Harry crazy because Louis’ touches burn his skin in the best way, makes him yearn.

The new atmosphere between them and around the house sends Harry’s sexual frustration sky-rocketing. He obviously hasn’t had any sex for months now and at first, his drive was pretty much dried up due to constant stress and worry. Now, though, he can’t catch a break when it comes to unexpected and unwanted boners.

Without a private bedroom, he’s resorted to exclusively wanking in the shower. It takes Louis jokingly slapping a hand over his mouth when they’re watching TV for Harry to need 45 minutes in the shower that same evening.

“Did you have a nice shower?” Harry exits his en-suite wrapped in a towel to find Louis smiling at him sweetly.

“Uh, yeah,” Harry tries to avoid eye contact, busying himself with opening some dresser drawers.

“You know, your showers have been getting longer and longer,” Louis muses. “I wonder what’s been making you so dirty recently.”

Harry almost chokes.

God, he remembers when that kind of talk would lead straight to mind-blowing sex against the walls. Or mind-blowing sex on the floor. Or mind-blowing sex with Louis bent over the bed, begging and moaning as his arse gets pounded. 

He feels Louis come up behind him, his body heat radiating in the vicinity.

“I hope whatever it is clears up soon,” he says right into Harry’s ear.

Harry clenches his eyes shut, can practically hear Louis cackle as he heads for the bathroom. 

When he opens his eyes again to look down, he slams his fist on the dresser with the realisation that he’s hard yet again.

-

The very next night, Louis is shrieking and Harry rushes up the stairs and into their bedroom.

“What’s wrong?”

“I saw the biggest fucking spider crawling all over the floor,” Louis tells him. “It was hairy and the size of my head, fuck.”

Harry looks at where he’s standing on the bed. “Okay, where is it now?”

“I don’t know! I think it’s behind that table. It was fucking fast.”

Harry heads over to investigate where Louis is pointing at. He can’t seem to see it, even when he pulls the torch up on his phone.

“Lou, it’s not here.”

“Then check more places!”

“Alright, alright.”

Harry feels like an idiot as he traipses around the whole room looking for the spider. He’s not exactly fond of them either but he knows Louis has always had a fear of any type of bug or insect. He won’t admit it but he’s afraid of little moths. It’s not at all cute.

“Louis, I’m not seeing it anywhere. Maybe it’s gone outside.”

“No fucking way is that possible. The windows are shut. It’s in here somewhere hiding from us.”

“What do you want me to do? It’s getting late.”

“You stay in here tonight, then. In case it attacks me in my sleep.”

“It’s not going to attack you,” Harry rolls his eyes before he realises that Louis just asked him to sleep in the room with him. “Wait, are you sure you want me to sleep here?”

“Yes, I could die, Harry!”

Harry tries to bite back his smile. “What about my snoring?”

Louis shrugs. “It’s fine. Maybe it’ll scare off the spider.”

Harry reels in his excitement and prepares himself for bed. Louis forces him to check all around the bed and in between the covers before they both settle in for the night.

After they turn the lights off, Harry can’t see anything in the pitch black but his body can feel the comfort of his own bed after all these months and his back really appreciates it.

“Just out of curiosity, is there anything that can stop your snoring?” Louis asks in the dark.

Harry smirks. “Sex usually does it.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Louis’ POV**

They decide to go to Louis’ family home in Doncaster for the holiday period. Harry’s family is close by so he will obviously be visiting them too but for the most part, they’ll stay at Louis’ mum’s house. It makes sense because Louis’ birthday falls on Christmas Eve and it’s kind of a given that he’d want to be surrounded by his family.

It’s chaos when they arrive, but that’s to be expected. Apparently, over the years his siblings do tend to scatter during Christmas; some of them would have partners that they want to spend it with or they’d be travelling with friends or staying put at university. The youngest are always there, of course, since they’re still toddlers. 

This year, however, everyone has decided they want to be there for Louis so the house is full to the brim with all seven Tomlinson siblings as well as Harry and his parents.

His mum had cleaned his childhood bedroom, ready for Louis and Harry’s arrival. Entering it feels a bit surreal as he looks at all the football posters and his ink blue bed sheets. 

“Why don’t you have a little rest and I’ll go down and help your mum with dinner?” Harry suggests.

Louis smiles at him and nods. It was a long drive here and even though he doesn’t think he’ll actually fall asleep, he could use a breather before having to deal with so many people.

The next day is Louis’ birthday and Harry takes him out of the house for hours. He brings Louis to all the spots that he used to go to as a teenager like the local park and a pub close to his old college. It makes him feel nostalgic and glad that he didn’t lose these memories because Doncaster is his home and he’d be devastated if he couldn’t remember it.

When they get home, there’s a party happening which doesn’t exactly surprise Louis. He saw it coming a mile away.

Even so, he’s grateful for all the effort that his family has put in to make him happy. There aren’t that many guests, just his family who all want to know how he’s doing. 

Harry brings out a huge, layered birthday cake for him with candles adorning the top sometime after dinner. After he blows out the candles, his sisters show him a video they made on the TV and everyone gathers to watch it.

The video is full of photos and clips that he doesn’t recognise. He sees himself over what must be the last few years, on sunny holidays, at family parties like this one, dancing at crowded festivals and doing so many other things. It looks like a happy life.

“We thought it might help you remember,” his sister says at the end.

He does appreciate the gift and he felt happy watching it. Suddenly, though, it overwhelms him with grief that he can’t remember. It pains him that his loved ones just want him to regain those memories and yet he can’t. He’s disappointed them everyday since the accident and he’ll disappoint them everyday for the rest of his future.

Without saying anything, he leaves and heads to his room where he firmly shuts the door.

-

Later that night, Harry comes into the room where Louis has been wallowing for hours.

“Lou, how’re you feeling?” he asks softly.

Louis feels the dip in his mattress where Harry seats himself and he focuses his eyes on the glowing bedside lamp.

“I know you’re overwhelmed, baby,” Harry continues. “I’m so sorry.”

He closes his eyes when Harry reaches to stroke lightly at his back. Today has been a lot but being in this room with only Harry makes him feel calmer, like he can forget about everything else.

He starts to shuffle around, feeling needy and not knowing how to express it.

“What is it, love?” Harry asks him. “What do you need?”

Louis reaches an arm out for him and Harry immediately leans in, kissing softly at his cheek and neck.

“Can you just take care of me? Please?”

Harry brushes his hair away from his face and pecks the area between his brows. “Of course, that’s what I’m here for.”

Harry lays himself down so that he can cuddle Louis, their fronts facing each other.

He begins stroking at the nape of Louis’ neck, like he’s lulling him to sleep. Louis refuses to do that. Instead, he initiates a kiss between them. Harry returns it with gentle pecks but Louis is determined for more. He opens his mouth, practically begging for Harry’s tongue to get inside and take.

He knows he’s catching Harry off guard because the man can’t seem to help himself as he licks inside and presses in harder and harder.

Louis carefully rolls onto his back amidst their kiss so that Harry follows him mindlessly until he’s hovering above him, just as Louis intended.

After a while, he can sense Harry slowing down and everything coming to and end so he makes sure to carry on the kiss with passion, running his hand all over his husband’s curls. He lets out a few desperate noises from the back of his throat to let Harry know that he’s far from done.

“Baby, what do you need?” Harry says into his mouth.

Louis whines and replies, “Need you.”

He then proceeds to use one hand to slide his trousers off along with his underwear and throw them haphazardly to the floor. Then he pulls away, gently pushing Harry’s head down south so that he can see Louis spread his bare legs nice and wide.

“Fuck,” Harry mutters breathily, definitely trapped in a haze of lust.

Louis carefully nudges him to move down as his eyes can’t seem to leave Louis’ crotch. As soon as Harry’s head is right in between his thighs, Louis closes them so that he stays in a firm position to give Louis what he wants.

Harry doesn’t need much coaxing after that; he’s definitely gone and his reservations have long left the room. 

Louis whimpers from sensitivity when Harry’s thumb starts rubbing at the chubby tip of his cock. He can feel it leak more and more with each motion and Harry seems determined to get him as wet as possible.

He starts to nip and mouth at Louis’ thighs as he continues rubbing and Louis squirms, gasping at the sensation. He makes an embarrassingly high sound when Harry dips his tongue into his slit. Straight after that, Louis feels the tongue move away from his hard-on until it starts wriggling into his hole. 

He clenches involuntarily around the intrusion, throwing an arm over his eyes to try to contain himself. He didn’t realise that this would be where they were heading but he’s certainly not complaining. There seems to be no recollection of anyone doing this to him before but he knows his body enjoys it, loves the way Harry’s clever tongue is lapping into him and prodding at the sensitive walls. 

Harry then pulls away momentarily to spit into Louis’ opening, making him blush at the dirty act. He then shoves his tongue back in, this time much further than before. He gets deep inside before hardening it to prod at what must be Louis’ prostate then rubs at it rigorously. Louis’ legs thrash out at the feeling but Harry’s strong hands move to his knees to still them. Harry is relentless until Louis feels himself squirt messily with a cry and only then does Harry slow down. He retreats out slowly, still swirling around before he’s completely free.

Louis is shaking slightly as Harry moves up his body until his slick mouth is nudging against Louis’ slack lips. He’s boneless as he lets Harry smother him with a passionate kiss, moving as if he wants Louis to taste himself on Harry’s deft tongue. 

Louis falls asleep staring at the striped, beige curtains that have been on his windows since he was a baby. 

**_17 years ago_ **

_ Louis can see the street in front of his house from his bedroom window and he’s currently holding the curtains back as he keeps his eyes on the curb. _

_ He had invited Liam to come over to play at his house today and he’s so excited because Liam said he would come and also that he would bring his brother. If things go well, Louis is about to gain two new friends. _

_ As soon as he sees a car pull up, he rushes down the stairs where his mum is already opening the door. She starts talking to Liam’s mum as Louis excitedly waves at the boy. Behind him, he can see Harry’s curly hair peeking out and he tries his best to curb the shyness he feels coming on, _

_ He’s seen Harry at school, of course, but he’s in a different class from Louis and Liam so he hasn’t really spoken to him properly. He just has to be as funny as possible today to win the boy over. _

_ Their mums exchange a few words and soon enough, the two brothers are being lead up the stairs and into Louis’ room. _

_ “We can play with my new Hot Wheels if you want! Or if mum lets us we can go outside and play footie or play with my Nerf gun! I only have one but we can take turns.” Louis grins at the boys as he lists off the most fun things he can think of for them to do. _

_ Liam nods at him eagerly but Harry doesn’t seem as enthusiastic. Not to worry, Louis is sure that he can win him over. _

_ By lunch time, Louis isn’t as sure anymore. _

_ As they sit at the breakfast table with sandwiches and squash, his sneaky glances at Harry confirm that the boy has not warmed to him. _

_ All morning, Louis has tried his best to make his guests laugh by bringing up all the silly things that he remembers from the week like their teacher accidentally swearing during Maths. He makes a ton of jokes and even though Liam seems to laugh at all of them, Harry has been unaffected.  _

_ When they’re done eating, Louis decides that maybe they can watch a horror movie because he can get one from his step dad's collection and that would be pretty cool and impressive. _

_ “Okay, I think I’m going now. Mum is outside; I can see her car,” Harry announces all of a sudden. _

_ “What?” Louis lets slip before he realises that might be rude. _

_ Harry gives him a tight smile. “Thank you for having me, Louis.” _

_ Louis frowns. “You don’t have to go, do you, Liam?” _

_ “No, Louis, I told you I could stay until dinner. Harry just has something else he has to do.” _

_ Well, at least that’s a relief.  _

_ Louis tries not to pout as he watches Harry walk out of the door and into his mum’s car. _

_ “He’s going to Julie Walton’s house,” Liam tells him when Harry is gone. “I think they fancy each other.” _

_ Louis doesn’t know why but he doesn’t like the sound of that at all. _

-

Louis wakes up on Christmas morning to a lot of noise coming from downstairs.

It reminds him a lot of Christmas as a child in a house full of kids. As an adult, it turns out that so much commotion at 8am isn’t ideal.

He’s barely conscious when Harry comes into the room. Louis hadn’t even noticed his absence.

“Morning, Lou,” Harry says quietly in his deep morning voice. “Merry Christmas.”

He comes to sit beside where Louis is laying on the bed, placing a mug of tea on the bedside table.

Louis reluctantly sits up just to grab the cup and take a welcomed sip.

“Merry Christmas, Harry,” he replies. “And thank you.”

“You feeling better?”

Louis nods as he uses a free hand to rub at his eyes and yawn. “Much better.”

Harry smiles at him. “Good.” He then reaches for something behind him before handing Louis a small present wrapped in paper patterned with reindeers.

“What’s this?”

“A present.”

Louis tentatively takes it from Harry’s hold. He was feeling better but admittedly, the sight of this present is making him anxious again. He doesn’t think he can handle another trip down memory lane with something sentimental that he just can’t remember.

Despite that, he knows that Harry means well so he tears open the wrapping to find a CD.

_ Divinely Uninspired To A Hellish Extent _

Louis’ shoulders deflate in instant relief.

“Harry, I love it.”

“I knew you would,” Harry says, enveloping him into a hug.

When they break apart, Louis stares down at the album, remembering when  _ Grace _ came on the radio just a few weeks ago while they were sitting at home doing respective work. Both him and Harry had never heard the song or the artist but they immediately liked it. 

“It’s a new memory, okay?” Harry adds. “It’s ours that we can share and both have.”

Louis leans his head against Harry’s chest, content with the idea of not having to live up to his own ghost for once.

-

In the new year, Louis is ready to go back to work.

The university has been so good at helping him figure out his job and they’ve assured him that he can return with their full support. It helps eb the fear he has of running into situations he’s unfamiliar with and fucking everything up.

Having work just makes him feel better about everything. To have something permanent and consistent where he’s actually contributing to life is miles better than sitting around and feeling like he’s waiting for something. 

Harry is there for him through it all. He’s incredibly supportive and does everything he can to make sure Louis is comfortable with his new schedule. He never has to worry about oversleeping or having no lunch or forgetting his papers at home. Honestly, it’s been easier to appreciate Harry as his husband when he feels like an actual man, a fifty percent partner in the relationship, rather than a helpless patient on the sofa.

The thing with them at the moment is that they’re in this from differing angles. He knows that Harry sees him as his husband, someone he’s spent years falling in love with and is helping to recover from something traumatic. Louis, on the other hand, can’t help but see Harry as a boy he’s been crazy about from a distance and finally able to date.

Everything with Harry feels new to him. He hates that flirting and just talking is old news to Harry because to him, those little things have been feeling special and exciting.

With ‘new’ relationships, though, comes insecurity. In general, nobody feels completely safe in a new relationship but him and Harry’s difficult past makes it even harder for him to wholeheartedly trust that the man is here to stay. It’s irrational because he knows that they’re married but in his reality, Harry has only just started to show him that he loves him for the last few months compared to years of disinterest and, at times, disdain.

It’s why he’s been desperate for them to have sex.

They’ve done stuff like kiss and yes, there was the incident on his birthday, but they haven’t started having actual sex yet. Louis knows men and he knows that if he’s to feel like he’s pleasing his man, he actually has to please his man.

On a Friday night, they’re watching  _ Love Actually _ because Harry realised that they hadn’t watched it at all during the Christmas season and apparently, that’s unthinkable.

It’s currently playing the scene where the slightly nerdy American lady is rolling around with the guy wearing glasses from her office. It’s rather raunchy and Louis shifts around where he’s sitting a few inches away from Harry.

The scene getting increasingly heated and the late hour and the large glass of wine that Louis just finished is making his head spin with the feeling that he’s not going to be able to bite his tongue.

He decides to pause the TV and ignore the stupidly inappropriate freeze frame that it leaves on the screen.

“Harry, we should have sex,” he blurts out. “I mean, we’re married, right? And I haven’t had sex in like five months and I don’t know about you. Wait, no, I do know about you. I think. Okay, bottom line is that we should be able to have sex. If you want. And if I want. And I do want.”

He turns to look at a taken aback Harry.

“Uh, we can talk about this,” he stutters. “I just never wanted to make you uncomfortable. You literally tried to run away from me like three times right after the accident so I assumed sex with me was far from your mind.”

Louis runs a hand over his face to hide his embarrassment at the memory. “That was ages ago! I’ve let you in since then.” He blushes at the possible double meaning. “I mean, in my thoughts and stuff. I’ve been open to you.”

That definitely doesn’t sound any better.

“Lou, I don’t want to rush anything,” Harry says carefully.

“Oh right, yeah, because after marriage I hear sex is taking it too far.”

Harry gives him a look. “We’re talking about a marriage that you can’t remember.”

“Okay but what I do remember is that it doesn’t exactly take a marriage for me to have sex with a guy.”

That comment seems to flare Harry up judging by the way his muscles tense. Maybe that can work to Louis’ advantage.

He moves until he’s sitting in Harry’s lap, circling his arms around the other man’s neck.

“I’ll let you do anything you want.”

Harry stares at him for a minute, considering and trying to read him.

“Okay.”

Louis grins, maybe too childishly for the cause of his elation.

“We can tonight, if you want.”

Louis nods. “Yeah, okay, I want that.”

He leans in to kiss Harry on the lips to show his gratitude and readiness.

“But first we have to finish the film.”

“Deal.”

Harry locks himself around Louis to let him know that he doesn’t want him leaving his lap and Louis happily complies. He wonders if married life really is this joyful and comfortable.

By the time the film finishes, Louis is a healthy mix of nerves and excitement. He wants to be with Harry, to direct all his confusing feelings and energy towards something. He’s also scared that it’ll be bad because he won’t know how to please his husband.

They head upstairs and Harry spends a few minutes brushing his teeth and getting into bed. Meanwhile, Louis practically locks himself in the bathroom thinking up ways to prolong the wait even though he doesn’t even want to wait any longer.

He showers, moisturises, shaves his face, brushes his hair, and spritzes himself with perfume. His mind is constantly telling him that this is his chance to fully connect with Harry and move leaps and bounds forward in their marriage.

When he eventually leaves the en-suite, he’s unsure of what he should wear, deciding to just throw on fresh boxers and a t-shirt.

Harry is waiting for him patiently on the bed in pyjama bottoms and nothing else, putting his muscled body littered with ink on display. Louis could never deny how beautiful Harry is. 

Louis makes his way to the bed and clambers on until he’s kneeling in front of where Harry is sitting up against the headboard. Harry only has to hold out a hand for Louis to scoot himself closer until he’s right in between the man’s legs.

“You okay?” Harry asks him gently.

Louis nods in reply before Harry starts kissing him lightly.

It feels lovely, like all of their kisses do, and it helps calm Louis down. He likes the way Harry’s strong hands move over his body in tender strokes, like he knows just how to comfort him. 

Harry pulls away from Louis’ lips to suckle at his neck and collarbone, moving his forearms up under his shirt to pull him tighter into the embrace. His hand then moves to toy at Louis’ waistband and that’s when it really hits him that they’re about to have actual sex. He’s going to be having sex with Harry Styles.

“Harry, I don’t-,” Louis starts to say breathily. “I’m not sure what to do. What do you like?”

Harry doesn’t verbally answer him, just carries on mouthing at sensitive areas of Louis’ heated skin.

“I’ll show you what I like, baby,” he eventually murmurs into Louis’ ear, making Louis blush and harden significantly.

Harry then carefully flips them so that Louis is laying on his back with him hovering above. His plants kisses all over Louis’ face before travelling downwards, lifting his shirt up so that he can lick around his nipples and belly button.

“So, how does it usually go?” For some reason, Louis keeps wanting to talk even though the atmosphere is clearly getting more and more heated. It’s his stupid nerves flaring up, making him feel like a flustered virgin. “Feels nice, what you’re doing.”

Harry continues to lavish at Louis’ stomach, burying his face in the soft flesh while his fingers run all over the sensitive skin on Louis’ hips.

Louis is enjoying it, he knows he’s turned on and that he wants Harry, but there’s still a niggling voice in his mind asking him if this is right or even good compared to the many times that he can’t remember.

“Harry, are you okay down there? Do you need me to do anything?”

Harry stops what he’s doing to lift himself back up so that he’s facing Louis once again.

“Can you be quiet, please?”

Louis flushes in embarrassment. He’s gone and fucked up the mood by babbling like an idiot.

“I’m sorry, Harry.”

Harry ducks his head and shakes it. “No, fuck, no,  _ I’m _ sorry, Lou.”

“What?”

“It’s just, your voice, like if you carry on talking I’m seriously going to cum.”

Louis looks at him for a second before he bursts into laughter. “What?”

Harry groans. “I’m serious, Louis.”

“What’s so special about my voice?”

Louis is convinced that Harry is messing with him but at least he’s forgotten to be embarrassed for now.

“Do you have any idea? You fucking raspy, high voice with that thick Yorkshire accent; it’s too much. S’pecially since it’s been so long.”

Harry seriously sounds like a man in pain and Louis can’t resist poking fun at him.

“What so my sexy little Donny voice makes you just blow your load right then and there?”

“Louis.”

“Even if I’m saying stupid shit like toast, window, and stuff like that.”

“Louis, please.”

Louis sniggers. “Alright, sorry. I’ll try to keep my mouth shut.”

Harry leans down to kiss him. “No, don’t do that. Just, give me a second to at least, like, get inside.”

That reminds Louis of what they were actually about to do and kind of pushes them back into it. He kisses Harry back, this time with more confidence. If the man was ready to cum just because of his voice, he reckons he shouldn’t be too worried about being good.

When they’re firmly worked up, slick and breathy noises from their mouths filling the room, Harry fumbles with the bedside drawer before he pulls out a bottle of lube. He quickly lathers up two fingers and Louis whines when he prods them inside of him. He can feel the long digits moving, thoroughly spreading the cold lube around.

Harry pauses to fling Louis’ boxers away and finally remove the t-shirt that’s been stuck around his underarms for ages. He also kicks off his own trousers before he returns to kissing him and shoving his fingers back inside.

Somewhere amidst the kissing and mindless gyrating of their bodies, Harry’s hard-on has managed to line itself up perfectly with Louis’ hole and he immediately draws his fingers back to give his cockhead more direct contact. Louis sees his head droop and his eyes close shut as he ruts his tip at Louis’ entrance, as if he’s lost in the feeling.

It dawns upon Louis that he’s still bare and that he’s likely planning on remaining bare throughout despite them having not discussed it. He guesses they are married and he certainly hasn’t been sleeping with anyone. Plus, he likes the idea of it.

Harry seems so charged and almost feral with arousal as the head of his length keeps catching at Louis’ rim, going ever so slightly deeper each time. 

“Um, Harry, could you maybe lube up?” Louis decides to ask. Despite the lube Harry spread in there with his fingers, Harry’s giant cock going in completely dry will hurt like a bitch.

Harry clenches up but manages to pull himself out of it. “Yeah, of course, baby. Sorry.”

He reaches for the bottle that’s been tossed to the side and squeezes out a handful of lube that he immediately strokes over himself with a hiss. Louis glances down to see his cock glistening now, the popped veins prominent as the skin seems almost angry with how red it is.

“Haz, um, can you kiss me, please?” Louis asks quietly, the nickname slipping out.

Harry stops what he’s doing to give Louis what he wants, kissing him with tender force.

“You’ll be okay, beautiful boy,” Harry tells him. “Know you’ll love it.”

Louis takes a deep breath before he nods and then reaches down to cautiously grab at Harry’s slick cock.

“Fuck, give me some warning,” Harry groans as he thrusts himself into Louis palm.

“Sorry,” Louis whispers.

Harry lets him stroke it for a little while, the action far too soft for the stage of arousal that Harry is clearly at. Louis does his best, though, trying to do something to please him instead of just laying there.

Eventually, Harry can’t stand it anymore and bats Louis’ hand away before pulling his legs open slightly wider. He swallows Louis’ breath into a deep kiss as he pushes inside and Louis can feel his muscles tense up with pleasure. Louis himself is overwhelmed with the feeling but it’s amazing at the same time.

Harry begins to thrust deeply, gaining more momentum as he goes, and Louis watches with dazed eyes. 

His body feels tingly and his hole is becoming sore with Harry’s brutal pace.

“You’re so perfect,” Harry pants. “My perfect boy.”

Louis preens at the praise and it honestly makes all lurking pain or discomfort vanish.

“This is mine,” he continues, his hips remaining relentless. “Your whole body, s’mine.”

Louis is a bit surprised at the possessive words leaving Harry’s mouth as he’s not seen this side to him since the accident.

“H-Harry,” Louis stutters, lifting a hand to Harry’s chest just for something to do as Harry drives in even harder even though he didn’t think it was possible.

“The first time after we got together, you promised me this was mine,” Harry tells him. “You used to remind me all the time, made sure I knew what belonged to me.”

The way Harry is not only hitting his prostate but pleasuring it so well makes Louis see stars. He’s convinced that this is the best feeling he’s ever experienced, euphoric in how the bliss runs intensely through him from head to toe.

“It does,” Louis replies. “Want only you doing this. Only you inside me.”

There’s no other person for him if this is what sex with Harry feels like.

Harry growls, ducking down to bite at his neck. Louis can feel his thumbs press harshly into Louis’ sides, as if he’s not even aware of doing it.

“Get a hand around yourself,” Harry demands. “Make yourself cum, baby, I know you want to. I can feel you.”

Louis is so thankful for the reminder as he wraps his fist around his member. The heat feels unbelievable as soon as he starts to move his hand and he finds himself close soon after.

“Cum all over yourself,” Harry says into his ear before yanking at the lobe with his teeth.

Louis spurts his load while crying out Harry’s name. The orgasm rolls through him for what feels like hours and when he finally comes down, he immediately feels the wetness in him as well as the softening cock still jammed in there.

Harry doesn’t seem like he wants to pull out any time soon and Louis is frankly exhausted so he simply falls asleep.

-

Louis discovers that Harry is either an actual caveman or just the sweetest man alive.

After they have sex, he becomes practically obsessed with tending to all of Louis’ needs and spoiling him to an almost extreme extent. Not that Louis is complaining.

That first morning, he wakes up to Harry kissing every inch of his face and thanking him profusely for the night before. He then draws him a bath that honestly smells glorious, the type of luxury that Louis thought only exists at spas. While he soaks himself in the oil infused water, Harry brings him eggs and toast on a tray and leaves him to eat it in peace.

He catches Harry staring at him throughout the day, sometimes with a smile on his face and sometimes with an intense gaze, like he wants to swallow him whole. It makes Louis kind of shy because he’s not really sure he did much to deserve all this attention.

“Harry, it’s okay, love,” Louis tries to tell Harry as they’re finishing up their dinner that night. “You don’t have to act so grateful. It was only sex and I really enjoyed it, too.”

Harry blushes like he’s been caught out.

“It’s not just sex with you.”

Louis wishes he could just believe that. “Sure it is.”

Harry begins to frown and Louis really doesn’t want to get into it right now so he quickly says, “We can do it again tonight, if you want.”

Harry’s frown lines disappear to Louis’ relief but it gets replaced with a wide, surprised eyes. “You must be worn out, Louis. We don’t have to.”

Louis smiles at him, trying to reassure. “S’okay. I’m a big boy, I can handle it.”

Despite saying that, Harry doesn’t seem to want to push him so that night, he enjoys a lovely, long blowjob in bed. It’s nice and slow, just how he likes it, and Harry lets him feed his whole length and balls as far down his throat as he wants. He even gets to cum all over Harry’s beautiful, plump lips, rubbing it in as much as he pleases while he indulges in the image of Harry’s gorgeous face at his full disposal. He doesn’t have to return any favours and falls asleep very much sated.

The whole day sets a precedent for sex going forward, it seems. Harry would give it to him earth-shatteringly rough then treat him like a God afterwards. It adds that extra layer to their uncertain relationship and Louis naturally enjoys it even though he knows that deep down, the sudden intensity scares him.

-

When Louis is home alone one day, he gets a surprise visit from their neighbour, Jen, and her son, Max. Although they were incessant when Louis first came home after the accident, their visits tapered down dramatically as he believes Jen may have realised that things in this house are not going back to normal soon. While she must have thought that the frequent babysitting they were offering was still on the table, she likely saw that Louis was not remembering and was finding recovery difficult so she has given them a lot of much needed space. In fact, Louis hasn’t seen the pair outside of brief doorstep encounters in over two months.

“I’m so sorry to even ask you, Louis, but would you be able to look after Max until later tonight? There’s an emergency at work and I saw that you were in and thought I’d just ask.”

Louis quickly calmed her down and told her that he was happy to take the toddler in for the day. She thanked him before dashing out, presumably to tend to the emergency she mentioned.

Truth be told, Louis is happy that Max is here. He started to feel guilty for wishing the baby away during those first weeks after being in hospital and he actually misses the boy. He’s a sweet child and clearly has an attachment to Louis and Louis just hopes that he’s too young to hold a grudge.

They spend the day playing with toys that his mum packed in the bag she brought over. The stuffed animals and trucks make for an interesting game of make-believe but Max seems to like the nonsensical playing judging by his constant laughter.

When it starts to get dark, Louis suddenly begins to really feel the cold. He decides to make an old family recipe, potato stew, because even though he rarely cooks, he always used to whip this up when he needed comfort food. It’s also fairly easy and the ingredients are always found in the cupboards. He also thinks that Max will like the soft potatoes so all in all, the plan seems to be a great idea for warming them both up.

He runs upstairs to grab a big jumper from his wardrobe before starting on the stew.

As he tries to remember each step, he talks through the process of peeling and chopping aloud for Max who seems to enjoy the commentary. Louis really believes that children love hearing people talk even if they can’t quite do it themselves and that it helps their development. He always used to talk to his baby siblings all day.

When the pot is bubbling nicely into a simmer, Louis lifts Max up and bounces him on his hips towards the stove where he points at the stew and explains what it is.

“See, Maxy? The lovely potatoes, beans, and veggies are swimming in there and getting nice and yummy so we can put it all in our bellies soon.”

Max giggles as Louis rubs at the child’s tummy.

At that moment, Louis hears Harry come in, clearly just arriving from a day at work.

“Hi, Lou,” Harry says as he walks towards him. “I didn’t know little Max was visiting today. Hello, little man.”

He watches as Harry grins at the baby in Louis’ arm, reaching out to tickle his chin.

“Hey, Harry,” Louis replies. “Yeah Jen had a thing at work and dropped him here a few hours ago. She says she’ll be back later tonight; I reckon she’ll call to let us know. Is that okay?”

“Of course, yeah. Are you okay? Were you good today? Because you know, you could’ve called me if you needed a hand.”

Louis feels slight shame because he now realises how obvious he was being about his lack of patience for babysitting a few months ago.

“No, it wasn’t any trouble. Max is an angel and we had so much fun, didn’t we?” Louis turns to give the squirmy toddler a kiss on his head. 

He then looks up to face Harry who is now smiling fondly. “I’m glad to hear that.”

The simple statement feels far too loaded so Louis hurriedly turns his attention back to the stew and rambles off an explanation about what he’s been cooking.

They have a good evening, eating the dinner he serves together and laughing as they try to feed Max, creating a big mess in the process. Louis can’t help but think of how domestic it is to be warmed up on a winter night by a hearty meal and happy faces.

As they wait for Jen, Harry puts on  _ Cars _ and they watch the film with Max, sharing a big bowl of popcorn. Halfway through, Jen arrives to pick up Max and thanks them both profusely. 

After reassuring her that it was a pleasure, they retreat back into the living room. As they crash onto the sofa, the fatigue of looking after a child finally catching up to them, Louis turns to face Harry. 

“So, was I a good husband today or what?”

“You’re always a good husband.”

Louis sits up to poke at Harry’s chest. “Okay but admit it, I was especially good today.”

Harry pretends to mull it over before he grins, pulling Louis into a cuddle.

“You were a perfect little house husband. I came home to my boy barefoot and drowning in my old jumper, bouncing a baby in his arms and cooking me dinner.”

Louis secretly likes the sound of it put like that. “Is that what you want from me all the time?”

As much as he enjoyed today, he knows he’s always going to stubborn and mouthy and a bit lazy.

“No, of course not,” Harry denies. “It’s nice once in a while but I love you no matter what.”

Louis slaps Harry’s face lightly for the cheesiness before he snuggles into his warm front, smiling at the sound of the film being unpaused. As he turns to watch the screen, however, he senses a strange feeling that Harry is keeping something from him.

-

As much as Louis appreciates his return to work, it’s tiring him out more than he expected.

He doesn’t actually work 9-5, five days of the week; most of the time he’s at the university for three or four days and his hours aren’t too bad. However, some days he feels done from the second his alarm sounds at 7am. Being an adult isn’t exactly fun for the most part.

That’s why he’s being difficult, sprawling on the sofa with a pout as he waits for Harry to fuss over him.

It turns out that he’s gotten very good at predicting Harry’s behaviour because that’s exactly what he does.

“What’s wrong, Lou?” Harry has swooped in to wrap an arm around his slumped shoulders and stroke at them comfortingly.

“Work sucks.”

Harry chuckles. “Long day?”

Louis scowls before smacking Harry in the chest. “Don’t laugh at me. I had to read about a million pages worth of paperwork.”

“I’m sorry,” Harry apologises, pulling Louis in more as he tries to sweet talk him. “I know it’s been tough to go back to work but you’re doing so well. Even before the accident, you had bad days. We all do; I honestly want to pull my hair out when it gets too much at the restaurant.”

Harry is being rational but sometimes, Louis likes to think the world revolves around him and his problems. It’s extremely narcissistic but at least he’s honest about it. It’s why he’s not budging on his bad mood, choosing to ignore Harry’s annoying optimism.

“Hey, Louis,” Harry moves them around so that Louis is sitting comfortably between his legs and facing him. “I’ve told you since day one but I guess you don’t remember; I’ll always take care of you. You can stop working at any time.”

Louis rolls his eyes. “And what, be completely dependant on you?”

Harry shakes his head. “We’re married. Everything I own is yours, too.”

Louis isn’t convinced; he’s pretty sure Harry is talking shit to make him feel better.

“Lou,” Harry takes his hands. “When we left uni, we were both grafting hard. Deciding to live in London and pursue any career isn’t easy and we knew that. I’ve seen you at your lowest points and you’ve seen me face so much rejection and work unbelievably shit jobs. So we used to talk about quitting, leaving everything behind, and moving to a little town somewhere. We can open a bakery with you working front of house and pulling in customers with your pretty face and me in the kitchen making whatever wacky cakes I want. Any one of us can say the word and we agreed we’d do it. I know you might not like the sound of that now, but what I’m saying is that we can have any dream you want, any future or present you want. If you don’t like that one then we’ll scrap it and we’ll go where you’re happy.”

Louis looks at Harry’s ernest face, soaking in the fact that he’s somehow managed to find a man who would offer him such possibilities for happiness.

“No, uh, I do like the sound of that,” Louis coughs. “A lot. It sounds nice.”

Harry tells him that they used to go back to that dream and add to it. He says some days there’d be a few cats, a cottage or even a bright yellow mini that they planned to drive around.

He asks Louis is he wanted to add anything and Louis reluctantly admits it’d be nice to have a garden for Clifford. But then that opens up a floodgate and soon enough, he’s rambling on about bike rides and growing all kinds of flowers so that they never run out. Harry joins in to talk more about his cakes, saying he’d love to serve people huge slices of his bakes without having to worry about dainty presentation.

Louis used to dream about talks like this when he was younger, the talks he used to read about in books and see in films. He used to wish that he’d find someone who understands his simple ideals of life and indecipherable thoughts. He would never have guessed that that person was right under his nose for almost all his life.

-

Louis thinks that maybe he’s entering a clingy stage in his and Harry’s relationship when Harry tells him that he’s going to a conference and Louis asks if he can go with him. It sounds dull as fuck but the idea of being in the house all alone for the entire weekend seems worse somehow. 

He does have to be apart from Harry for a little it seems because while he has work on Friday, Harry is travelling to the conference early in the morning. He’ll find Harry when he gets there later that night. 

When Louis finishes work, he finds a text from Harry telling him that he can come straight to the hotel as the party he’s with are planning some sort of dinner that should start at around the time of his arrival. He says that if the night is clear of rain, they’ll be holding it outside. Even though it’s now March, the winter chill is still lingering so Louis isn’t looking forward to eating with frozen hands but it’s not like he can complain.

He’s onto bigger problems apparently because as he’s opening his wardrobe for a quick change of clothes, he suddenly becomes nervous over what to wear. He wants to impress Harry’s peers, feels like he wants Harry to proudly show him off as his husband.

Not wanting to miss his train, Louis forces himself to be happy with the grey button up and tight, black trousers that he puts on. The shirt is tight on him but it’s still quite dressy so hopefully the whole outfit balances his desire to fit in and look hot.

When he arrives in Surrey, it’s already starting to get dark. He finds a cab at the station quite easily and travels the short distance to the hotel.

It’s a nice place with a lot of grounds, most likely one of those hotels with a golf course, and Louis hopes he’ll be able to keep his nerve and not do anything to embarrass Harry. He’s never been one to be that insecure but he’s only ever known casual flings with boys who don’t really matter so being a grown man’s husband at a formal event like this is fresh territory for the new Louis.

He manages to get the key card for his and Harry’s room easily enough from the front desk as well as Harry’s whereabouts after asking about his company. It turns out that they did decide to have dinner outside after all.

As he puts his bags down in the nice suite he just entered, Louis quickly freshens himself up with a few spritz of cologne and a check in the mirror. He’s thankful that his clothes still look good despite the train ride. He would’ve waited to put it on here but he knew that packing a shirt would definitely crease it and he’s not prepared to iron anything.

To his relief though, Louis finds himself still in good condition. His hair is still down in a styled fringe and his complexion is good after last night’s sleep and a non-stressful day at work. He’s already texted Harry about his arrival so he knows he shouldn’t keep the man waiting and turns to leave the room and try to find him downstairs.

The grounds are lovely when Louis steps outside. There are lights strung up to illuminate the space and a few round tables dotted over the lawn ready for dinner. For the moment, though, it looks like everyone is still mingling with drinks in their hands.

Louis scans the crowd to eventually find a tall figure with short curls that have been pushed back. He’s wearing smart trousers and a white shirt with a blazer over it and he looks so handsome standing under the tiny bulbs of light, talking to a group of people.

Louis makes his way over, hoping that he won’t be interrupting.

“Louis!” Harry grins as soon as he sees him and Louis can’t help but smile back. “Everyone, this is my husband, Louis.”

He’s introduced to the small group that Harry is with before settling in under the man’s arm as they return to their previous conversation.

The night goes smoothly enough with food as delicious as expected and a flow of chatter from everyone in attendance. Louis finds himself watching Harry network seamlessly with pride. He has so much charm and confidence that he’s sure the entire party is enthralled by him. Louis can’t help but feel lucky that he’s the person that’s actually with Harry.

Clearly, Louis doesn’t know anybody nor does he have much in common with them. It doesn’t really bother him though because he’s happy to just stick by Harry’s side and listen in. He also has fine company in the form of drinks and by the time dinner is finished, he’s perhaps a little tipsy.

Everyone has gotten out of their seats to talk, some already doing the rounds of goodbyes before retiring to their rooms, and Louis heads to the bar. He’s just guiltily ordered a double when he feels a hand grope his hips from behind.

“Sorry, m’married,” he says, not really thinking about anything but his initial instinct to remain loyal to Harry.

“He’s a lucky man,” a deep voice rumbles back and Louis lets out a breath of relief before turning around.

“He is.”

Harry grins at him. “You’re very beautiful.”

Louis doesn’t know where they’re going with this but he’s always up for a bit of mischief, especially after a few drinks.

“You’re persistent.”

“Only when I see someone as gorgeous as you.”

Louis rolls his eyes. “My husband would never use a line that cheesy.”

Harry barks out a full-body laugh. “Is that so?”

The bartender taps Louis’ shoulder to hand him his drink and Louis takes a sip before replying. “Yeah, that’s so. He’s very charming.”

Harry looks at him as if pondering his next move and Louis encourages it with a challenging raise of his brow. 

It works because soon, Harry is placing his hand on the bartop on either side of Louis, caging him in.

“You don’t need a charmer; you need someone who’ll treat you a bit rough, sweetheart.”

Louis flutters his lashes up at him. “So you don’t want to take good care of me?”

Harry shakes his head with a smirk. “You’ve got your husband for that.”

Louis doesn’t say anything in reply, head spinning from the alcohol and how hot this conversation is making him.

Noticing the silence, Harry leans in to whisper into his ear, “Come to my room.”

Louis abandons his glass and lets Harry drag him away from the party to their room.

Once they’re through the door, Harry kisses him hard, his intensity at a high from the get go and Louis has to work to match it. He then gets thrown onto the bed before Harry makes quick work unbuttoning his shirt and throwing it off his body. He gets flipped onto his front, legs dangling off the side of the bed, and feels Harry tear down his trousers and underwear. He really wasn’t kidding about being rough.

Harry slaps one of his cheeks without warning and Louis whimpers, the excitement turning him on. “You’ve got nice fucking arse on you. Do you do this with any guy that shows a bit of interest?”

Louis shakes his head against the mattress and feels another slap land on his behind. “No, I love my husband.”

He then feels Harry pull his trousers off completely so that he’s left hanging over the bed completely bare. He can sense that Harry has wandered off somewhere, probably to take his own clothes off, and Louis feels like he needs to stay still and wait patiently for him to come back, even if that means staying bent over with his bum sticking up and feeling humiliated.

Harry doesn’t take long to return and when he does, he’s got wet fingers to spread in between Louis’ cheeks. The prep doesn’t take long before his cock is being pushed in and Louis squeezes his eyes shut tightly at the feeling. 

It gets pushed in and out of him, each thrust banging his body back down into the sheets. He feels himself claw at the duvet like he’s trying to stay afloat while his body is drowning in complete pleasure. He doesn’t even realise he’s moaning and practically screaming until Harry starts to taunt him.

“Listen to yourself, fuck, is it like this with your husband?” Harry grunts.

Louis thinks about the amazing sex that they have, how well Harry knows his body. He also thinks about how Harry checks on him, always letting him know he’s loved and cared for.

“No.”

Louis feels the mattress dip with extra weight and then he’s being lifted onto all fours before Harry quite literally mounts him to continue fucking into him. They’ve never had sex this kinky since Louis’ accident.

Harry reaches between Louis’ legs to grab his hard length and starts stroking when they both feel Louis’ fatigue grow as his body begins sagging. It doesn’t take long for Louis to cum with a cry and collapse. Harry follows, still happy to be drilling into Louis’ spent body, and takes his hands away from Louis’ crotch to run it all over the most fleshed out parts of his body, dirtying him with his own spunk. 

The pace is steady for a while as Louis rides out his orgasm but then Harry suddenly grabs a tuft of his hair and pulls his head up, making Louis’ cock twitch. That is apparently a turn on for him because he’s starting to harden again even though he literally just came.

“Your hole is so bloody tight, you sure he’s giving it to you enough?” 

It reminds Louis of their little roleplay and also makes him defensive.

“He does, he’s always making love to me,” he slurs.

Harry laughs, dragging Louis’ head up to his own face. “Then why are spreading your cheeks for a stranger?”

The question makes Louis flush with shame even though it’s not even true. It’s just the fantasy of it, the idea of being loose and dirty.

“I’m gonna cum soon,” Harry mutters.

Still in the daze of his persona, Louis reacts to that on instinct, “You need to pull out.”

“Fuck, yeah, I can’t blow my load in another bloke’s husband.”

Louis gets pounded into for another few seconds before Harry withdraws himself to spray all over his plump bottom. He can feel Harry rub his cock in the crack like he can’t help but try to get at least a drop inside.

They move to lay down next to each other and Louis’ eyes start fluttering before he realises that Harry’s hand never left his arse. It’s still there, rubbing the sticky cum around and occasionally slipping into his hole.

He then brings a hand to Louis’ cock and fists it into full hardness, carrying on after. Louis doesn’t think he has the energy until he shoots off and the last thing he feels before he’s lost to sleep is his climax coursing through his body.

-

Louis wakes up feeling the kind of satisfaction that only mind-blowing sex can give. He turns to Harry and wraps his arms around the man’s neck, peppering his face with kisses.

“Wake up, H,” he says quietly.

Harry blinks his eyes open and Louis smiles at him before pecking him gently on the lips. He’s able to ignore the slight dryness, the surrounding stubble, and the fact that they and the sheets surrounding them are still filthy from last night because he’s so sated.

“Last night was amazing,” he voices, nuzzling against Harry’s jaw because he’s feeling clingy.

Harry clears his throat. “Yeah, it was.”

He suddenly lifts himself up then takes Louis’ hand to inspect it before running both his eyes and palms over Louis’ body.

“Are you okay?”

Louis grabs at his frantic hands to still them. “I’m good.”

Harry stares at him, probably trying to gauge if Louis really is okay, before he deems him to be telling the truth and eases up.

Even though Louis subconsciously planned to laze in bed a while longer, Harry tells him that they should probably shower so he dashes off to do just that. Louis tries to ignore his haste to leave and sits up to stretch his sore muscles before deciding to make the bed. The poor person who has to come and actually clean up is in for a pretty gross mess so it’s the least he can do.

By the time he’s done, Harry is returning from the bathroom, wrapped in a fluffy, white towel. He tells Louis to take a shower while he orders them room service breakfast and Louis happily complies.

The steam and hot water feel so good against his skin and Louis indulges in the hotel’s floral shampoo and soap. He reluctantly gets out after a while and puts on a bathrobe. Back in the room, Harry is still in his towel, sitting at the end of the bed and scrolling through his phone. 

Louis makes his way over and climbs into his lap, kissing at his now clean skin. 

“Did you order food?”

“Yeah, I got a bunch of stuff. I figured you were starving.”

Louis nods. “You really wore me out last night.”

He strokes at Harry’s chest, expecting him to grin and say something cheeky back but he doesn’t.

“What’s wrong?”

Harry bites his lip as if he doesn’t want to say what’s troubling him.

“Last night, the roleplaying, you don’t actually want that, do you?”

Louis’ eyebrows furrow confusedly over his smile. “What? But you were doing it, too?”

“Yeah, I know, but it’s different.”

Louis snorts. “How? You seemed pretty happy pretending to fuck somebody else’s husband.”

Harry blushes. “Yes, but I’d never, ever do that to you.”

Louis is starting to get annoyed at the double standards. “And I’d never do that to you!”

“I’ve been with you for seven years. I took vows to always protect and love you. I made a conscious choice to give up being single to be with you, and only you, for the rest of my life when I proposed to you. You don’t remember any of that and in your mind, you’re still 20 and thinking you should be free from any commitment and I won’t blame you if you actually want that.”

Louis crosses his arms in defence. “Oh, so you’d just let me go and fuck around if that’s what I want? And last night was my test, was it?”

Louis can see Harry clench his fists and tighten his jaw. “There’s no way I’ll allow that.”

Louis raises his brows, unimpressed. 

“I’ve tried to be as patient as possible but I’m not ever letting you be with another guy. No. And last night wasn’t a test, it just happened.” Harry pauses to scratch the back of his head and bow, voice quietening. “We used to roleplay randomly all the time. Sometimes we planned it but a lot of the time, we’d jokingly say stuff and it’d carry into the bedroom.”

Louis sighs, unfurling his arms. “I only want you, Harry. Please believe me.”

Harry looks up at him with insecurity in his eyes that’s starting to frustrate Louis. There’s only so much reassuring he can do when Harry is literally years ahead in this relationship.

“I’d do anything to prove it to you,” he pleads.

Harry leans in to kiss him. His mouth is asking for Louis to give himself over completely and Louis tries his best to do so. He lets Harry inside, lets him lick in as long as he wants to. He then moves down to his neck and sucks on it, biting hard and lathering his tongue over the mark he makes.

He finishes just in time for a knock on the door to sound and slides Louis off his lap to take in their breakfast.

They eat quietly at the small table where Harry insists Louis return to his lap. He spends the meal with his head under Louis’ chin, kissing and thumbing at his skin like a petulant child or moody caveman while Louis feeds him bits of food.

Louis realises the true nature of Harry’s possessiveness when he hands him one of his white t-shirts to wear and Louis wordlessly pulls it on to find how low the scoop neck is on him, perfect for showing off the eyesore of a hickey he put on his neck earlier.

He lets Harry have it all, though, because he realises by now that they both have a flare for the dramatics and strong desire for constant affection and assurance. If Harry can handle him when he’s being a brat on a near daily basis, he can handle Harry’s hand firmly gripping his thigh during the entire drive back home. 

-

Louis arrives home to a familiar face sitting on his doorstep.

“Aiden?”

He can’t quite believe that his ex boyfriend is here. He hasn’t thought about him for a long time yet he knows he’s always wondered if he’s okay.

Aiden stands as he sees Louis approach him. He looks almost the same except his hair is shorter now and not as tall. He also dresses better, wearing a simple navy jumper and dark jeans.

“What are you doing here?” 

“Hi, Louis,” Aiden smiles at him. Louis remembers what that smile used to do to him. “I just heard about you accident through some people and I had to see if you’re okay.”

Louis invites him into the house. He notices that Harry hasn’t said anything and he’s wracking his brain to see if Harry actually knows Aiden.

“Uh, Harry, this is Aiden,” Louis says once they’re all through the doors. 

“I know who he is.” Harry’s tone is terse and Louis tries to ignore it as he leads Aiden into the living room.

Harry disappears off upstairs with their bags and Louis is about to say something when he gets bombarded with questions from Aiden.

He spends a few hours catching up with the man and it feels nice. He remembers their relationship kind of clearly because he knows they broke up just before the time his memories stop. They met at university and hooked up a few times but they always had a laugh. Aiden was far too cool for Louis and they both knew it so it never worked out but Louis loved the few nights they spent talking about music where Aiden let his facade fade ever so slightly. He hopes the other man did, too.

“You look well, Louis,” Aiden tells him after Louis re-enters the room with cups of tea. He considered checking on Harry but decided against it. They’ll get a chance to speak later.

“Thanks, so do you.”

“And Harry, he’s changed quite a bit.”

Louis smiles. “He has, hasn’t he?”

Harry used to wear baggy Hollister clothes before transitioning to skin-tight jeans and white t-shirts. Nowadays he’s a bit more eccentric with his colours and prints as well as jewellery.

“Are you guys okay?”

“Yeah, we’re fine. Obviously it’s been difficult with me not remembering anything about our relationship and marriage but we’ve been working through it.” Louis pauses to chuckle as he thinks about the bump they literally just passed. “Some days it’s really fucking tough. I’m trying to learn about him and us but I need time and space to do it, you know?”

Aiden nods as if he understands then reaches out to place a hand on Louis’ knee. “You can talk to me if you need to, Louis. I’m sorry we lost touch but I can be in your life again, if you want.”

Louis stares at the hand that’s touching him. He then looks up at the man in front of him. All of this brings back those old memories of Aiden always offering to be someone for Louis but never knowing what. A friend? A lover? A person who sometimes seems to be on the same wavelength as him?

“Thanks, Aiden.”

They only chat for a bit longer after that before Aiden says he should get home and feed his dog. Louis bids him goodbye and checks the time, finally realising that it’s quite late. He decides to call for Harry to ask him about dinner and has to wait a few minutes before his husband comes down the stairs.

“I’ll make us a quick pasta,” he says shortly, walking to the kitchen to do just that.

Louis follows him, feeling himself start to get annoyed.

“What’s wrong?” Louis asks, watching Harry chop garlic.

“Just didn’t like having that asshole in my house, that’s all.”

Louis rolls his eyes. So it’s like that, is it?

“Come off it, Harry. I’m getting tired of this possessive act.”

Harry stops chopping to look up and face Louis across the kitchen island. 

“You think I’m just petty because he’s your ex?”

“Well, yeah, I think your behaviour regarding me and other guys so far has shown that you get jealous pretty easily. Stop acting like I was fucking him right on our sofa. We just talked because he was worried about me after, oh you know, the bloody accident I was in that put me in a coma.”

Harry puts the knife he was holding down and walks until he’s standing closer to Louis.

“I’m sorry that I’m protective of you, my own husband,” Harry says steadily. “But I’m not a complete psychopath like you’re painting me to be. Aiden is a fucking dickhead who messed you around for a long time. You don’t remember it but I remember. I remember that he hurt you and I will never forgive anyone who does that. It makes my blood boil to see his smug face have the nerve to show up here after everything he put you through and what’s worse, you letting him back in with open arms. He doesn’t deserve the time of day from you, Louis. Anybody who doesn’t respect you shouldn’t even get the chance to be near you.”

Louis hears what Harry has to say, lets his words seep in and poison his memories.

“What did he do that was so bad?”

Knowing his own life, his own history, through other people’s memories is really taking its toll on Louis. He feels like a fool for never knowing where he stands with anything and whether he’s doing the right thing.

“You never told me the details but I know it was shit. He made you feel like you weren’t good enough and that’s all I need to know.”

Louis wants to tear his hair out.

“And that’s the fucking problem! As much as you make everyone, maybe even yourself, believe that you know me so well, you can’t know everything! The pieces that you don’t know, you don’t know. You can’t come in with your shitty, half-truths and try to jam them into my memories. Because they don’t help me. Knowing that I hate someone but not knowing why, it doesn’t help, it drives me crazy.”

“Well, my ‘shitty half-truths’ are better than nothing. I’m not going to let you take that piece of shit back.”

Harry is so unbelievably stubborn.

“Take him back? Now we’re talking about your insecurities again. I’m married to you and I’ve told you that I want to be devoted to you. Why can’t you accept that?”

“And why can’t you accept that I always want what’s best for you? Everything I do is to protect you.”

Louis stops to calm his breathing and look at Harry straight in the eyes, unwavering.

“No, Harry, it’s to protect the old Louis. The one from before the accident.”

With that, he walks away.

-

Things are tense between them after that. Harry doesn’t sleep in the bed anymore and they don’t talk to each other. Louis really learns about how stubborn they can both be.

Their sulking gets cut short, however, because two days after their big fight, Harry gets a call from his parents saying that they’ve just sold their holiday home in Cornwall. They say that the new owners want to renovate the place as soon as possible and ask if Harry and Louis would help clear it out this weekend. Harry offers to let Louis stay behind but that just annoys him for some reason so he silently packs a small bag of clothes, ready for Friday.

Harry’s parents have also asked Liam for help and he had called Zayn and Niall so it turns out to be quite the trip.

When they arrive after a long drive, Louis takes a look at the house and feels a bit sad that they’re selling it. It’s only a quaint home but it sits a short distance from the blue sea, its bricks painted white and accented with black frames adorning crosshatch muntin across the windows. It’s lovely and Louis hopes that they got to spend happy times here in the past.

Their task is basically just to throw everything away. As it’s a holiday home, there aren’t many personal or valuable items there anyway. They have a truck for all the rubbish and Harry’s parents have told them to move the good furniture into one area so that they can get somebody to come and pick it up later to try and sell.

It’s mindless work, really, to pull things out of cupboards and dump them in garbage bags. Louis does the work while listening to the boys chatter if they’re within hearing distance. If not, he focuses on the clattering of objects being thrown and trying not to inhale too much dust.

By nighttime, they’ve made a good dent in the work and Louis actually thinks that they might finish by Sunday after all. Niall orders pizza for them because nobody wants to cook, probably too exhausted from the manual labour, and they eat on the floor in front of the lit fireplace. 

Liam and Harry start to reminisce about their childhood visits to the house. Their stories about the beach and chasing seagulls sound nice, ebbs away at Louis’ last lingering anger and petulance. 

The boys all want to sleep after a while and they start heading upstairs where there are two small bedrooms for them to divide amongst themselves. It was a silent agreement that him and Harry would get the master downstairs. 

Louis silently slips into his room, right next to where they just were, amidst the flurry of everybody trying to get to bed, deciding on stuff like bathroom orders. He changes into his pyjamas then sits on the edge of the bed. After a while, he sees no sign of Harry.

He leaves the room to find that everyone has cleared out and gone upstairs. Harry is crouched in front of the fire, poking at it with a rod.

Louis walks over to him and kneels down, carefully reaching to touch his back.

“Are you not coming to bed?”

Harry turns to look at him, his eyes softened by the flames flickering in an otherwise dark room.

Those eyes fall from his face and Louis glances down to see that his jumper has fallen off his shoulder to display a large expanse of his collarbones. He feels the very skin on show prickle from Harry’s stare.

“Harry, let’s forget about the fight,” Louis tries. He slides the hand that was on Harry’s back to his arm instead. “It was pointless. We’re both so stubborn.”

Louis leans in to kiss him and, though still, Harry’s lips accommodate him. Louis pecks at it a few times, gently conveying the way his heart feels lighter now than it was for the past few days. He wants Harry to feel that lightness too.

“I’m sorry,” Harry says quietly into his mouth. It sounds like it takes a lot for him to be saying that.

Louis carefully slides into his lap and cups his face with both hands, guiding Harry’s head into the knook between his chin and shoulder. He lets him stay pressed there for a moment, to feel close to him. 

“I hate when we fight.”

Louis can only remember these few fights they’ve had in the past months but he can imagine that years containing these moments of separation, misunderstanding and silence are unbearable. He doesn’t want to feel that estrangement from Harry and he certainly doesn’t want Harry feeling alone, ever.

“Me too.”

When Harry silently tries to kiss him again, Louis becomes distracted. He thinks about those insecurities that plague them both into lashing out at each other, from fear and from things left unsaid. He wants to be brave and face them head on, in hopes that by doing so, he wouldn’t have to do this with Harry again.

“H, do you remember our first time?”

Harry stops abruptly. He looks up at Louis, looks at the challenge in Louis’ eyes. Louis wants to know if he’ll tell a romantic story about how they made love for the first time after dates and deep conversations. He doesn’t know if Harry will tell him about how beautiful he looked, how special it was.

After a beat, something changes in Harry’s eyes and Louis knows he won’t be getting a romantic story.

**_9 years ago_ **

_ Louis blinks his eyes open in the dark room, feeling disoriented by sleep. No matter how many nights he’s spent away from home, he never gets comfortable at other people’s houses. Not even Liam’s and he’s spent many nights here over the years. _

_ Now he’s awake, he might as well go to the bathroom since he’ll only wake up again in a few hours if he doesn’t. _

_ He’s already tip-toed out of the room and painstakingly closed the door as not to wake Liam up when he realises that he’s only wearing an oversized t-shirt. He really hopes he doesn’t run into Liam’s dad. _

_ Padding lightly along the landing, he eventually reaches the bathroom and turns the doorknob to find that the room is already lit up before he can fumble for the switch. He blinks rapidly at the sudden influx of light to find Harry standing by the sink. _

_ He’s only clad in black boxers and his curls are all mussed. He doesn’t look too good, eyes slightly sunken with bags underneath them. Louis briefly remembers Liam telling him that Harry’s having a tough time with deadlines and uni applications. _

_ “Sorry, I didn’t realise someone was in here.” _

_ Louis’ voice sounds quiet and raspy from disuse. Harry just looks at him then grunts. _

_ It leaves Louis standing awkwardly at the door as he waits for Harry to finish whatever the hell he’s doing and leave. Harry runs a hand through his hair, sighs, then turns to apparently do just that. _

_ Louis’ brain is clearly not as awake as he’d hope because before he knows it, Harry is standing right in front of him and he’s still frozen to the spot, blocking the way. _

_ It gets even more embarrassing when he tries to move and they’re caught in the awkward dance of trying to pass each other. During that time, Louis somehow finds himself poked in the hip by something hard and blushes when he realises that it’s Harry’s boner. As much as he wants to avoid it, he meets Harry’s eyes and sees them stare at him hungrily, without the sullen sleepiness from earlier. _

_ Louis really doesn’t want Liam or his parents to catch them in the middle of whatever the fuck this is so he impulsively shuts the door, enclosing them both in the room. Only after he does it that he realises what that act might suggest. _

_ “I-” he starts to explain himself out of the situation before Harry kisses him, hard. _

_ He practically bruises him with the intensity and it feels so good, like something straight out of Louis’ dirtiest fantasies, that he quietly gasps before going slack, melting into it. _

_ He feels Harry’s callous hands creep up the hem of his t-shirt, touching at the sensitive, bare skin there. His brain is so wired from the suddenness of everything that he can only think ‘more’ and ‘harder’. He tentatively reaches for Harry’s crotch, the cause of all of this, in hopes that it’ll spur him on. _

_ The touch does the job because as soon as his hand covers the hard member, Harry immediately wants more. His own hand comes to cover Louis’, pressing it down more, before he hisses then lightly pushes Louis down by his shoulders. Before he knows it, Louis is on his knees and Harry is pulling his cock out. _

_ He fucks it into Louis’ mouth, almost like he’s frustrated. The saltiness and musk makes Louis dizzy and he can only keep his mouth open and warm. _

_ Harry pulls out after a few minutes and when Louis looks up, he sees him run a hand over his face, like he’s waking up. Louis’ heart leaps at the prospect of this ending so soon and he quickly stands to kiss Harry again. _

_ This time, he’s in it as much as Harry is. Their mouths press together in bursts of heat and their closeness brings friction to their groins. They eventually have to break apart for breath and in that moment, Louis feels so aroused and reckless that he moves to bend himself over the sink and lift up his shirt. He feels so inexperienced in the act, vulnerable and desperate. He hopes that Harry will take the bait so he won’t have to feel stupid when the reality of rejection hits. _

_ Thankfully, Harry seems to be as into it as he is. He feels Harry’s body come behind him and when he looks up, he can see the reflection of it, too. _

_ He can feel Harry rub his wet head along his crack, can see his head bent down in concentration in the mirror. Harry fumbles with a drawer and then Louis is watching himself get fingered at 3 in the morning. _

_ It doesn’t go on for too long and soon, Louis feels a cock enter him for the first time. It’s big and overwhelms him in the best way. Harry fucks like he talks: deep and taking his time. He grips Louis’ sides as he thrusts and Louis sees himself looking dishevelled as his body is pounded.  _

_ Harry must find his prostate because during those moments, Louis is completely lost to pleasure. His eyes are squeezed shut from the sensation and his hand is touching his cock without his control. He gets himself off as Harry carries on shoving into him. _

_ He endures a few very hard and fast thrusts before Harry sprays all over his back. _

_ When he sees Harry’s face in the mirror after their orgasms, he could honestly harden again. He’s red with exertion, nostrils flaring heavily and lips rounded as he breathes harshly in and out of them. His skin is soaked with sweat and Louis just knows that they’re both feeling satiation to their very bones. _

_ They clean themselves up quietly then proceed to leave the bathroom. Louis feels small and dazed in the dark hallway before Harry kisses him softly. It makes him smile as he gets back into his sleeping bag. _

_ Call Louis a romantic but after that night, he kind of wants to see where things go with Harry. He can’t help the giddy feelings that manifest in him, can’t help but soften and sweeten his thoughts about Harry, past and present. In his mind, nobody can experience what they experienced together that night and forget about it. _

_ He keeps an eye out for Harry over the next few days, waiting for the perfect time to speak to him. By midweek, however, he’s not seen even a glimpse of the boy. He even asks Liam after him and the only answer he gets is that Harry’s busy. _

_ After a while, it becomes clear that Harry is avoiding him. The realisation makes Louis laugh because of course, that’s life. He needs to learn about one night stands and how to deal with them now because lo and behold, he’s becoming a fucking adult. Yeah, he feels stupid giving meaning to sex like that, but he was naive. He won’t be, though, from now on. _

_ The next time he sees Harry, they barely look at each other. _

“Louis, I thought you forgot about that. Even before your accident.”

Louis bites at his lip. “So we never talked about it?”

Harry rubs at his temple. “No.”

“Oh.”

And it just proves to Louis how messed up everything is. He wants to talk about things, he wants to be in a relationship where they communicate. He’s starting to have real feelings for Harry, feelings he’s never had before, but none of it matters, these feelings, their marriage, their history, if he can’t have the kind of trust and love that he thinks he needs and deserves.

“I’m so sorry, Lou.”

And what are these apologies? What is swallowing pride to say that word if they can’t be open and honest?

“I shouldn’t have treated you like that after that night. I was scared and I don’t know, you’ve always just scared me so much.”

“Why?”

Harry takes a deep, stuttering breath. “Because you’re so beautiful. Not just that, you’re lovely and smart and kind and you make me feel so many things, always. When I’m near you, it’s like you pull me in. I feel like we’re connected, right from the start, but it’s not a spoken thing. You overwhelm me.”

Louis clambers out of Harry’s lap to sit beside him instead, looking into the orange embres.

“If I’m so amazing, why did you treat me like that?”

“Because I was scared that you wouldn’t want anything more with me. Or maybe if we did try something, I wouldn’t be any good and it’d go to shit.”

“You thought I wouldn’t want more with you? More than that night?”

Harry shuts his eyes. “I don’t know, Louis. I didn’t know what you got up to, who you saw. I didn’t know you like that.”

Louis laughs humorlessly. “I was a virgin, Harry. I’d never been with anyone until you, until that night.”

Harry turns to him and Louis swears he can see tears building in his eyes.

“Lou, I’m sorry,” he says, voice breaking.

“Don’t be,” Louis shakes his head before tilting it down. “It was the only time I felt that good. You’re the only person who ever did it for me.”

“Ditto.”

Louis tucks his chin down onto the arms hugging his knees, feeling laid bare.

“Baby, you deserve so much better, though,” Harry touches his hand. “You deserve everything from a guy, to feel special and loved.”

And just like that, Louis is back in Harry’s arms.

“I deserve someone who will talk to me, try to understand me.”

Harry nods his head, kissing at Louis’ knuckle. “Anything you want.”

He hopes that Harry knows, now, where his insecurities stem from and the kind of reassurance he needs. He himself is beginning to understand the wall Harry used to build and the reality that he’s still taking it down.

“I’m not a perfect ideal, our relationship doesn’t have to be a perfect ideal. Let’s talk more and try to see each other’s side of things more.”

Harry’s hold on him tightens. “I’ll try.”

Their foreheads lightly bump together and they stay that way until Harry dips down to mouth over Louis’ pulse. Everything feels so intense right now that Harry’s kisses ground him until he feels like they’re all he wants on his skin. He slips off his clothes and lays down on the rug, asking to be taken care of.

“You’re a dream,” Harry says as he hovers above him. “I know what you said but you’ve always been my dream, baby.”

Louis lolls his head and whines quietly until Harry starts to touch his body in all the tender places. He squirms around on the ground, feeling young and vulnerable, feeling like the boy begging to be wanted by the person he wants so much.

When Harry fucks him, it’s so alike and unlike that first time. It’s not silent and unfamiliar, rushed with fear edging the pleasure. What it is is every bit as intense. Nothing has ever felt like it, the way their bodies slot together. How Harry knows him better than he knows himself. The warmth and absolute desire that Harry gives him with every thrust.

“I love you so fucking much.”

Louis can’t not believe it in that moment. 

He doesn’t want Harry to leave him again, in any sense. He wants this to last. 

“Harry,” the name just slips out of him, like an exhale or a plea.

Harry puts it far inside of him, nestles it right on the spot, then stills. His breaths are hot and heavy, right above Louis’ face, and they’re suspended.

Louis licks his lips before he winds his arms around then down to Harry’s hips, pushing them down even though there’s no space to go further. He just wants to be sure that he has all of Harry.

“We’re not a perfect, ideal relationship,” Harry pants. “But we’re something really fucking special. I know you can feel it, I know that you know we’re more than just a- a couple. Fuck, you’re my soul mate, Louis.”

And he wants to be Harry’s soul mate. He wants to be the person who is good enough for Harry to worship the ground they walk on. He wants to be someone Harry marries instead of someone he leaves after a quick fuck.

He asks Harry to make him cum and he does, rolling his hips to rub at Louis’ prostate without pulling out and stroking his hard-on. He follows after, cum pulsing inside Louis’ hole, and they fall together, kissing and touching for hours.


	4. Chapter 4

**Harry’s POV**

After that weekend, Harry begins to feel like Louis is really in this, that he’s not a flight risk any longer.

It hasn’t been easy to live with the fear that your husband can and might up and leave at any given moment. He wouldn’t even need to give warning and Harry would have no power to stop him.

Even with their increasing closeness and Louis slowly trying to embrace their marriage, it was never certain. Harry could always tell the difference between being settled and safe and being kept alert by the apprehension in his gut. 

Getting home after Cornwall, their relationship changes. Talking so openly about their feelings, the past, the truth, it was like letting out a collective breath that they had been holding. For Harry, he knows it’s one they’ve been holding since before Louis’ accident. 

Louis is generally less stiff around him. He’s more talkative and warm but in a way that’s natural instead of forced simply because he seems to be guessing at what Harry expects. They don’t spend every second together but the moments where they do, at dinner, in bed at the end of the day, they feel like they’re partners.

That sense of calm, and maybe even normalcy, is all that Harry’s wanted. 

The next break in everyday living comes in the form of Mother’s Day. For this year, Louis’ siblings have planned a weekend with their mum at a hotel and spa and Harry decides that it’s best for Louis to go with them and for him to go to Doncaster with Liam to see their parents.

As much as Harry hates being apart from Louis, he thinks a small break is good for them. 

Him and Liam get greeted by their dad at the door when they arrive. They put their bags away in their respective rooms before coming back down. It’s afternoon time and their mum puts out plates of biscuits and cups of tea for them in the living room and they settle on the sofas to watch quiz shows.

It’s reminiscent of Harry’s childhood in this house. His parents are loving but quiet people. They enjoy living their simple life. Harry finds that their aura brings him peace and he honestly wouldn’t want anything more exciting than bourbons and  _ University Challenge _ during these visits.

That night, Liam finds his old Playstation and convinces Harry to stay up late in his room playing old video games. When Liam finally wins a game, he cheers and leans against his bed from where he’s sitting cross-legged on the floor and Harry laughs through his mouthful of cheese puffs. He’s always regarded his brother in the same way, someone fiercely determined to be happy, and he hopes that that never changes.

**_16 years ago_ **

_ Harry is pacing along the landing outside of Liam’s room. He knows that Louis came over about half an hour ago and he also knows that he’s been hiding in his room ever since. _

_ Louis’ been coming over a lot recently and Harry doesn’t know what to do about it. He usually goes to Liam’s room and they play or if the weather is good, they’ll kick a ball around the garden. One time, he saw Louis help his mum water her flowers. Her usually impassive demeanor was softened that afternoon; she looked fond. _

_ He wants to go and join them. Maybe. He doesn’t know what to make of Louis; the boy is so loud. He’s just an excitable ball of energy and he’s sort of taken Liam under his wing. Harry doesn’t want to make things awkward so he’s deliberating whether he should at least try to befriend Louis too. _

_ Before he can overthink himself to death, he hears Liam sniffling and speaking shakily. Harry whips his head towards the gap where the door is sitting slightly ajar. He can see Louis holding Liam in his arms even though Liam is a lot bigger, trying to comfort him. _

_ “Louis, what if the other kids hate me forever? I know they think I’m stupid for being held back.” _

_ “They’re the stupid ones. You don’t need them, Lima. You’re my friend now and I’ll kick anyone who says anything bad about you right in the knees.” _

_ Liam laughs wetly. _

_ “You’re going to be fine. I saw you were doing your homework when I came in and you were whizzing through it. And you’re really decent at footie. Oh, and you’re friends with the coolest boy in our class!” _

_ To Harry’s surprise, Louis slides even closer to Liam so they’re properly cuddling now then plants a kiss to his cheek. He’s never seen boys be so touchy. He didn’t even know that Liam likes being touched like that. _

_ Harry watches his brother snuggle into this boy, how happy and comfortable they both look. It makes him not want to interrupt.  _

_ He stands on the spot, eyes glued to them, until Louis moves out of the embrace to tell Liam that he’ll go find them some cookies. _

_ He walks out of the room to find Harry just standing there. _

_ “Uh, hi, Harry.” _

_ His voice has changed from soft to strained. _

“I’m going to head to bed now,” Harry says. “I think I’ll wake up early to take dad’s morning walk with him.”

Liam nods. “Yeah, alright. I’m pretty sure I’ll be too knackered for that. Why does the old man have to go so bloody early?”

Harry laughs. Their dad is one for sticking to his routines.

They bid each other goodnight before Harry walks to his own room.

He flops down onto his bed and picks up his phone from the bedside table. As he mindlessly scrolls through Instagram, a call comes through and Harry smiles at the picture of Louis before swiping to answer.

“Hi, love,” he says.

“Hello, Hazza,” Louis giggles.

“Are you drunk, baby?”

“Nooo.”

“I think you are.”

There’s a pause.

“Okay, maybe a little. The girls got lots of champagne for dinner and it was tasty and bubbly.”

Harry smiles deeply. “Can we FaceTime?”

He clicks the little camera button before Louis replies and soon the screen changes to show their respective faces. Louis looks lovely and pink, his fringe a bit mussed.

“You look cute.”

Louis laughs. “Thanks.”

Louis then proceeds to blabber on about his day and what his sisters have planned for their mum over the course of the weekend. Harry listens to him intently, taking in his sweet, slurred voice and pretty face shakily moving in front of the camera.

Harry is getting tired and he just wants to hold his boy. Drowsiness settles into the skin of his eyelids and bottom of his feet, makes it hard to stop himself from yearning. 

“Do you miss me, Harry?”

Harry turns onto his side, hand holding his phone now rested on the flat pillow. 

“Of course I do.”

He can tell that it pleases Louis to hear that.

“How often do you miss me?”

Harry pauses to lazily think of an answer.

“Every day.”

“Even when we’re at home?”

Things are starting to get muddled in Harry’s idle brain and he’s in danger of saying the wrong thing.

“No, just miss certain things about you. Like if I’m talking to you across the counter, I miss touching you. If I put my arm around you, I miss holding your hand. If I kiss you, I miss hearing you talk.”

Louis grins at him through the fuzzy screen, his teeth on show and blush high on his cheeks like he can’t help it. 

“I can’t believe how much you love me.”

Loving Louis is all Harry has ever known. Being in love with Louis is the best thing Harry has ever done.

He’s becoming sleepier and sleepier but he’s sure that his mouth starts running, listing all the things he loves about Louis, and keeps running until the night takes his consciousness. 

-

The next day is actually Mother’s Day and Harry wakes up early just as he planned to walk with his dad.

They wander around greenery near the house, not saying much, but Harry enjoys it nonetheless.

He then spends the rest of the day helping out in the kitchen. He might have suggested that they go out or that him and Liam cook for the day but he knows his mum. Their family has a roast every Sunday and his mum wouldn’t hear of any other way. She also wouldn’t hear of not being the one to do the cooking.

So him and Liam end up peeling vegetables at the kitchen table while their mum bustles around the pots and pans, old radio crackling in the background.

When they sit down to eat, Harry and Liam hand their mum her gifts and she thanks them gratefully.

“So, how’s Louis doing?” his dad asks.

Harry swallows his mouthful of potatoes. “Yeah, he’s doing better.”

“Is he remembering yet?” his mum adds.

“Uh, not really.”

“Well, what about those sessions with the doctor? Are they not helping?” 

“I think they are, dad, just not with his memories.”

“Well, are you looking into anything else, then? Maybe a different doctor will help.”

Harry shifts in his seat. “No, not really.”

“Well, Harry, you best get a move on,” his mum advises. “It’s coming up to a year since his accident, poor thing. If that was me, I’d be desperate to remember something.”

“Yes, I couldn’t do without my memories. If I couldn’t remember getting you boys or marrying your mother, well, I just can’t even think about it.”

Harry wishes they would just drop it.

“He’s doing fine.”

“Well, I’m sure he is, the trooper. I remember when his mum was ill, gosh. He held it together so well, for himself and his little sisters and brother.” His mum speaks about Louis with so much genuine love that Harry can’t even be mad at her.

“No, he’s going to alright.” Harry stands up, hoping that a break in the conversation would put an end to the topic. “I’m going to get more gravy.”

The rest of lunch goes well and thankfully, nobody brings Louis’ condition back up. Liam probably sensed something was off so he kept conversation light by talking about his job and asking their mum about the garden centre she volunteers at.

Later on, Harry steps outside to sit in the garden. He contemplates smoking, just for the smell, but he doesn’t want his parents to see that.

“Hey,” he hears Liam slide the doors open and close. “You okay?”

Harry nods without looking up.

“What’s going on with Louis? You seemed put off by all of mum and dad’s questions. You know they’re not prying; they’re just worried about him and you.”

Harry feels the weight of Liam sitting down beside him of the steps.

“No, I’d never think that of them.”

“Okay, so what is it?”

Harry sighs. “Liam, Louis is not going to remember. Ever.”

“Don’t say that, Harry. It’s only been a few months.”

Harry shakes his head. “No, I’m sure. I can tell. Louis can tell.”

Liam seems confused still so Harry tells him everything. He explains what Louis has said to him about how his sessions aren’t helping and how he’s grown resentful of the expectations of ‘old Louis’.

“So, yeah, I’m coming to terms with Louis never remembering so it just gets to me when I hear people still talk about him getting his memories back. I don’t want him to feel like he’s incomplete, you know?”

Liam laughs softly and Harry turns to frown at him.

“That’s so Louis, hates to be compared to somebody else, even if that person is himself.”

Harry thinks about it and smiles when he realises how true that is.

“So, what, you’re okay with it? You’re not going to seek more help like dad said?”

“I don’t think that’s what Louis wants.”

“What do you want?”

“Liam, this isn’t about me. I love Louis. I would love him if that accident did worse damage than take away a few of his memories, no matter how precious those memories are.”

Liam puts an arm around his shoulder and Harry reluctantly leans his head in.

“Well, then I support you. And mum and dad will support you. Everyone loves you and Louis so much.”

-

The next few weeks turns out to be mundane yet busy for both Harry and Louis. They’re always working, it seems, and they’ve both somehow managed to bring the work home with them.

At the very least, there’s a nice, domestic calm that’s settled over the house. For Harry, who loves a happy, boring life, he’s just glad they manage so long without an incident.

They do find themselves free for a Friday night, though, and upon realising it, Harry decides to take them out on a date night to a restaurant they used to go to all the time. It’s a tiny, family-owned Spanish place with eclectic decor and deep yellow lighting. They loved getting lost in conversations born out of red wine and candlelight.

“You look lovely, Lou,” Harry says once they’re sat down, facing one another across the small table. 

“Thank you,” Louis smiles at him. “You look nice, too.”

Harry reaches for his hand and they lightly touch, looking at each other sweetly. 

“Harry and Louis.”

They’re interrupted by a boisterous voice and Harry turns to see the manager, Maggie, standing over them with her hands on her hips.

“I was starting to think I’d done something wrong. Where the hell have you two been?”

Harry chuckles nervously as he looks at Louis’ confused smile. He really is an idiot for overlooking this small problem.

“Hi, Maggie,” he stands to give her a quick hug then sinks back down. “No, you’ve not done anything wrong, love. We, uh, we’ve just been busy.”

As Harry starts to panic about what he should do, Maggie gets called to the kitchen but she promises them that she’ll be back.

“God, Louis, I’m sorry,” Harry apologises once Maggie is out of earshot. “We were regulars here and the staff know us quite well. I can explain your accident to Maggie, it’s okay, she’ll understand.”

“No, just don’t say anything, please,” Louis rebuts. “I can’t deal with it tonight. I’ll go along with it, pretend I know her, it’ll be fine. I don’t want to talk about the stupid accident. I’m too tired for it.”

Before Harry can check if Louis is sure, Maggie returns to the table. She tells them that she’s already put in their order for them and then proceeds to ask them to catch her up on how they’re doing. She’s not overbearing and doesn’t stay for too long but she does talk a lot. She talks to them about their previous visits, updates them on how the restaurant is doing, and Harry can’t even focus because he’s so concerned about how Louis is doing. He must be so overwhelmed and it’s all his fault.

Maggie leaves them to it when the food arrives, which Harry is very thankful for, and they turn their attention to eating their dinner.

“Lou, I’m sorry about that,” Harry says.

“It’s fine.”

“Can we try to enjoy the night?” Harry asks. “Please, baby, I know that was annoying because I should’ve warned you but I just forgot. It’s the first night out we’ve had in so long, can we forget about it?”

Louis smiles at him. “Harry, it’s okay; I don’t blame you. Of course we can have a good night. Look at all this food, it smells fucking amazing.”

Harry deflates in relief and they settle in to eat. 

It’s a delicious meal and Harry is happy to watch Louis actually enjoy it. He eventually manages to look relaxed after Harry’s 10th joke to try and lighten the mood. When they finish, they get a complimentary slice of cake to share and Harry can’t help but kiss Louis in between bites, a little drunk on the wine. They both taste like chocolate and Harry firmly believes that he’s salvaged the night.

-

Harry comes home one evening to find his bedroom in complete disarray. There are clothes, shoes and various accessories strewn everywhere and he can just about make out the shape of Louis half engulfed by their wardrobe.

“Lou, what’s going on, love?”

Louis emerges from behind the closet door. “I’m getting rid of some clothes.”

“ _ Some  _ clothes?” Harry glances at the lack of floorspace as Louis has clearly emptied the entire wardrobe.

“Well, I just figured there’s a lot of stuff here that I don’t want to wear.”

Harry sees him toss a purple, patterned jumper onto what looks an awful lot like a ‘chuck’ pile. He bites his lip in order to stay quiet instead of protesting that that jumper is cute and that they bought it together at a charity shop in Denmark when Louis was cold.

“Okay, that’s fine. Do you want some help, babe?”

Louis is still rifling and throwing bits of clothing everywhere and Harry internally winces.

“Could you please get me a couple of bin bags?”

Harry does as he’s told and when he comes back, Louis is sitting cross-legged on the floor and sorting through the mess he made.

Harry sits down beside him, handing over the black bags.

“What brought this on, then?” Harry reaches over to grab a red t-shirt and starts to fold it. He’ll have to be the one who re-organises the whole wardrobe anyway since Louis is useless with tidying.

Louis shrugs.

They work quietly for a while, Louis tossing stuff onto various piles and Harry folding away.

“I was trying to put on a pair of skinny jeans and the button wouldn’t close,” Louis says quietly.

“Ah.”

Harry can’t say he hasn’t noticed that Louis has put on some weight. 

“It was annoying and then I just couldn’t deal with all these clothes that I don’t remember even buying being my only option everyday.”

“Baby, don’t take this the wrong way but I’m really glad you’re looking healthier.”

Louis scoffs. “I’m fat.”

“Hey, no,” Harry scolds. “After the accident, you were so thin that everyone was worried. You lose weight so easily, always have done, and I was getting desperate when I saw you were barely touching your food. You’re eating well again now and I’m so happy and you should be too.”

“H, I can’t fit into half of these clothes.”

“So? We’ll get you new clothes.” Harry pulls him in by an arm for a cuddle.

“S’not about the stupid clothes,” Louis mumbles.

“Okay, what is it about?”

Louis doesn’t answer, instead he starts fiddling with a loose thread on Harry’s shirt.

“Louis.”

“You’re not going to find me attractive if I’m all gross and big. You love the me that could actually fit into those size 8 skinny jeans.”

Harry frowns. “Well, first of all, fuck what I think. Fuck what any guy thinks about your weight or appearance in general.”

Louis rolls his eyes.

“Okay, well, at least know that I find you attractive no matter what.”

“You have to say that.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Yeah, you do. You have to put up with all this extra fat I’ve got now and you’re too nice to say anything.”

“Put up with?” Harry furrows his brows. “I don’t have to ‘put up with’ anything. You’ve gotten all thick everywhere and it’s driving me crazy a little bit.”

“Yeah right.”

Harry tightens his grip around Louis. “I’m being serious. Your belly’s gotten all soft and I want to bite all over it. Your hips, God, they’re perfect and when you spill out of the waistband of your joggers I swear I get a hard-on. I want to fucking ruin the inside of your thighs when you sit down and splay them out. Don’t even get me started on your bum. I used to be able to grab you, all neat in my hands, and now, fuck, now there’s so much more of it.”

He hears Louis gulp under him. “Really?”

Harry slides a hand up Louis’ hoodie until he can splay his palm over his belly, gently massaging the flesh.

“Do you, um, do you not think it’s ugly that my joggers make red marks around my waist now?” Louis slips a hand under his waistband and lowers it to show Harry the marks. 

Harry glances at them and groans, sees exactly where the elastic has pinched and marred Louis’ lovely skin.

Soon, he’s finding himself with his stomach to the ground and face in between Louis’ spread legs. He’s laving his tongue over the indents on Louis’ hips while harshly yanking his trousers down, like he’s angry at them for offending his boy.

He licks and sucks around the area until Louis is panting then he lifts his head to pull Louis’ clothes clean off his body.

“Want you to sit on my face,” Harry breathes, glancing up to meet Louis’ eyes.

Louis shakes his head. “M’too heavy.”

Harry sits up properly to plant a harsh kiss to Louis’ lips, swallowing his yelps.

“I want you to sit your plump arse on my face and ride my tongue until you cum all over yourself because I’ve been thinking about getting slick from those fat cheeks for a long time, okay?” Harry says into Louis’ mouth.

It doesn’t take much more convincing than that for Louis to climb over Harry’s head and settle over his eagerly awaiting mouth.

Harry feels like he’s in heaven when his tongue is right in between the crevice of Louis’ cheeks, slowly and sensually making its way into his warm hole. He can’t see anything, can only feel Louis gyrating his fleshy hips around and hear him gasping out in pleasure.

Louis seems to get really into, planting his hands onto Harry’s heaving chest and rocking down on Harry’s mouth, insecurities forgotten. Harry enthusiastically licks into him, helps in his chase for an orgasm.

Eventually, he climaxes as he presses down and just lets Harry’s tongue prod at his spot until he can’t take it anymore, essentially cutting off Harry’s air supply. It’s unbelievably hot.

Once he’s finished, he shakily clambers off and slumps himself against the end of their bed. 

Harry must look like a right mess and he brings his body upright, can feel the stickiness all around his face, but he doesn’t care because he’s still hard and Louis is looking beautifully flushed.

He ambles the short distance to where Louis is and watches as Louis looks up at him, as if he’s wondering what Harry’s going to do next but too tired to really care. 

Harry looks at his body, covered with a few splatters of white, and roughly bites his lip. He reaches out to tenderly move Louis’ legs until they’re lazily crossing, thighs instantly doubling in size. He then pushes Louis’ shoulders until he’s more slouched, sending his tummy into rolls. 

“You look so beautiful,” Harry says, eyes trailing all over the expanse of chubby flesh in all its glory.

He pulls his cock out of his trousers then starts to jerk himself off, kneeling in front of Louis’ gorgeous form. He’s hyper focused on every ounce of golden skin, stretched over excess weight. Louis’ little belly button is nestled in his now pudgy belly and it’s so sweet and sexy that Harry is close from that alone. He speeds up his hand and soon enough, he’s coating Louis’ thighs and stomach with his load.

Harry leans in to rest his head in the space between Louis’ shoulder and neck as he comes down.

“That was so fucking hot,” he pants.

When Harry recovers enough to break them apart, he finds a glint in Louis’ blue eyes before the boy brings his knees up slowly. He then bends his head, keeping eye contact with Harry, before darting out his tongue to lick the cum dotted on his thighs.

Harry groans at the sigh, yanking Louis’ legs until the boy is pressed into him once more. 

They’re definitely not done yet.

-

Harry and Louis get an invite to Max’s birthday party and Harry can’t help but offer to bake him a cake. He’s boxing it up as he waits for Louis to finish getting ready and come downstairs.

Luckily, the party is right next door so Louis’ typical tardiness doesn’t put them too far behind.

When they arrive, the house is already full of children and parents. Jen thanks them profusely for the cake and tells them to help themselves to anything and just to mingle. She seems so rushed off her feet that they shoo her away by assuring her that they’ll be fine.

Harry easily becomes distracted by the kids. They run around with so much infectious energy and as soon as they realise he’s up for playing with them and isn’t there to watch on like the other adults, they latch onto him like glue. Louis gives him a look that says it’s okay so he ends up playing a role in copious nonsensical games in the garden.

By mid afternoon, he’s exhausted and so thankful that Jen announces it’s time for cake and presents.

He finds Louis again and they watch on as Max blows out the candles on his space-themed cake, barely able to stand still because he’s so excited from all the attention.

Not long after, guests start to filter out as the party draws to a close. Harry sees Louis in the kitchen helping Jen with the washing up and he himself stays in the garden to deflate the bouncy castle and collect the rubbish scattered over the grass.

It’s getting dark when he wanders back inside to ask Louis if he’s ready to go home.

Louis flinches when Harry taps him lightly on the shoulder where he’s standing over the kitchen sink. Harry frowns at the reaction and watches as Louis mumbles a reply about grabbing his coat.

They leave after thanking Jen and wishing Max happy birthday one last time and Harry tries his best to not think about the tension that’s emerged between them out of nowhere.

“Lou, what’s going on? Are you feeling alright?” Harry asks as soon as they’re safely through their front door.

Louis doesn’t answer him immediately, heading into the living room instead. Harry follows him.

He looks tense where he’s standing in the middle of the room, like he’s spooked, and Harry is very aware that he needs to be cautious with his words and action right now.

“Lou…”

“Jen told me about the adoption.”

There’s a sinking feeling in Harry’s stomach.

“What?”

“Yeah, we were clearing up just then and she apologised about all the babysitting. She told me that we had asked her to do it because we wanted to practise since we’d just started doing the paperwork to adopt our own kid.”

Fuck.

“She told me that this was only a few weeks before my accident.”

Harry wants to explain, wants to say something that would ease Louis’ tightly strung body, but he has nothing. He’s drawing blanks.

“How could you not tell me all of that? How could you let me hear about it from our neighbour?”

“Louis, I’m so sorry,” Harry begins to say. “I didn’t know how to tell you. I didn’t want to hurt you or scare you.”

Louis shakes his head. “But this is so huge. It changes everything, especially because you’ve been lying to me and for some reason, I feel like you’ve been lying a lot.”

“What? No, that’s not true, it doesn’t have to change anything,” Harry can hear himself choking up and his heart racing. “We’re doing so good, you’ve been doing so good.”

“I really thought I could do this,” Louis looks down at his feet and his voice quietens. The change scares Harry. “I thought maybe we could just take it day by day, that maybe we could start again. But I’m realising that you’d gone too far with the old Louis. I was barely ready to be married and now I find out we were ready for children. Harry, I’m not ready for that at all. I’m not ready.”

Harry lurches forwards to grab at Louis’ hands, trying to force him to listen.

“I don’t care about any of that, please,” he begs. “I love you so much, Louis. No matter what, I love you.”

“You might think you love me but I know it’s the old me that you love, the one before the accident, the one who married you and who was ready to have babies with you,” he looks at Harry, tears welling in his eyes. “I’m tired of disappointing you. I’m tired of the pressure to be this person who I don’t know. At this point, we both know that I’ll never remember so why are we pretending?”

Harry is crying now, heavy tears falling. “Lou, please, what are you even saying?”

“I’m saying that I deserve to not live in someone else’s shadow, even if that someone is me,” Louis says, sounding out every word firmly. “And you deserve to be with someone who wants the same things that you do.”

Harry feels like everything around him is breaking apart. He sees Louis wipe at his eyes and cease his tears, something Harry can’t imagine doing. He thinks he may never stop crying from this moment on.

“Louis, please, we can work through this,” he pleads. “I’m sorry for lying, for the pressure I put on you, for ever upsetting you. I’ll let go of the last seven years if it means I get you now and for the rest of our lives. I love you.”

“It’s better that we’re apart for now, Harry,” Louis says resolutely. “I’m sorry.”

Harry falls to his knees, not beyond literal begging if it means he can convince the love of his life to stay.

“Please, Louis,” he asks, holding onto his boy’s legs and looking up at his hardening face. “I can’t imagine my life without you.”

Louis steps out of his hold and Harry knows he’s lost.

“You shouldn’t live like that, Harry,” Louis tells him. “You shouldn’t need me like that.”

Harry has to watch as Louis leaves him, still kneeling on the carpet, and listen to the door close behind him.

Harry has never been a violent person. In the moment, his whole body is filled with hot rage. There’s pain and sadness rushing through him in the worst way and he feels like he’s crippling with the weight and hurt of it all. 

He starts by pushing over the coffee table and before he knows it, he’s standing in the middle of a completely wrecked room.

He’s been trying to get it out of him, the unbearable pain that’s settled, with every push and throw and rip. 

As he walks up the stairs and lays down on his bed, he knows it didn’t work. Louis, the person who brought love into his life, who made life blissful on the most dire days, is gone. 

-

Liam has to come and take care of him because Harry is a wreck for days.

He doesn’t want to get out of bed so he certainly doesn’t have the motivation to do basic things like shower and eat. He’s a practical person at heart and he knows that he has to get up some time soon and get on with it but for now, he’s going to let himself wallow in his misery. In all the possible circumstances, he thinks that Louis walking out on him is one that deserves such drastic and indulgent measures.

His brother cleans up the house, keeps both him and Clifford fed and calls the restaurant to let them know he won’t be coming in for a while. 

He lets it go on for about a week before he does eventually snap and send Liam away. He’s a grown adult and he’s been through rough shit before; he can get through this.

He just wishes that life without Louis could suck a little less. 

Over the years, he’s become accustomed to the man’s presence. Everything from his incessant chattering, his loud laugh, his affinity for leaving mess everywhere to his soft, warm presence and calming murmurs late at night or early in the morning has enriched Harry’s life to be what it is.

Being in the house alone is almost unbearable.

He’s practically itching to pick up the phone or walk over to Liam’s house. Nobody’s said anything but he knows that that’s where Louis is staying.

**_15 years ago_ **

_ It’s the middle of the night when Harry suddenly finds himself awake. _

_ It takes a while for him to register why that is and then his brain manages to get itself together enough to remember the thumping sound coming from Liam’s room next to his. Harry has always been a light sleeper, a trait he always wished away considering how loud the kids in his last foster home were. _

_ Anyway, he hears more noises from his left, badly hushed talking from the sounds of it. He glances at his alarm clock and sees that it’s just gone midnight. That can’t be good. _

_ The walls in this house are very thin so Harry simply has to get out of bed and press his ear to his and Liam’s shared wall to hear what’s going on. _

_ “Cheers for sneaking me in, mate,” Harry is pretty sure that that’s Louis’ voice. _

_ “Louis, what the hell? Why are you here?” _

_ At least Liam seems to be confused and worried rather than part of some sketchy scheme. _

_ “My mum has been driving me crazy. She full on shouted at me today just because I tracked mud through the house after footie practice,” Louis explains. “She’s threatening me with all these punishments like grounding me and not letting me play football anymore. How unfair is that? I didn’t know she’d just mopped the floor! Anyway, I’m running away.” _

_ “What?” Liam tries his best to screech quietly. _

_ “Yeah, m’running away,” Louis says. “We’ll go over the plan tomorrow but let’s sleep right now because I’m knackered. I’ll tell you, it was bloody hard to stay awake and wait for my mum to doze off.” _

_ Liam mutters a few other things but apparently Louis really is tired because he doesn’t seem to want to talk anymore. _

_ Harry is worried that their parents will be angry when they find Louis here. He’s also worried about Louis and how he wandered over here in the middle of the night. Their houses are only a street away from each other, but still. _

_ He deliberates waking his parents or calling Louis’ house but he really doesn’t want to get anyone in trouble. _

_ In the end, he decides to go to bed because he hears Liam start to snore and figures that if they’re not losing sleep over this, he shouldn’t either. _

_ The next morning, Harry goes downstairs to find Louis chatting with his mum as she makes pancakes.  _

_ Nobody seems to be panicking and Louis goes to school with them then comes back to the house after. _

_ His mum shows up around dinner time, apologising to Louis over and over again and hugging him tightly. Louis makes her grovel for a bit before agreeing to go home with her.  _

_ The whole ordeal teaches Harry a thing or two about Louis Tomlinson. _

Despite that urge to see or talk to Louis, Harry has to force himself not to.

As he thinks about everything with a clearer mind, he realises that Louis is frightened and confused. Their relationship is just a huge question mark right now. Are they in love? Do they have a future? Is their current situation what they both want? There’s so much hanging in the air and he knows that rushing over to spew empty words at Louis just so that he’ll come back to the same situation that made him leave in the first place is a terrible idea.

Of course, he’s not going to simply give up.

Every single thing he’s ever said about Louis being his soul mate is true. In all the universes there are, no matter how vast that may be, him and Louis are meant to be together. That fact is not up for debate.

What he needs to do is get himself together so that he can be the strong, dependable man that Louis deserves. And then he needs to figure out how to place them both on the same page for the first time in what feels like forever and for that to be a happy place.

-

Harry feels lost for days. His mind whirs all day, every day, with ideas on how he can fix his relationship with Louis.

And then he stops because he realises that all of those ideas and stupid intricate plans are never going to work. Louis isn’t a puzzle to be solved and he’s not going to get his happy outcome by carrying out some charming gesture.

He wants to lay himself out, completely bare, and ask Louis to really understand him.

So he settles down to write him a letter.

_ Dear Louis _

_ I hope that you’re doing well and that you’ll read this letter with an open mind. _

_ I want to take you back, right to the start, and be honest with you once and for all. Completely honest. If you choose to believe me and you see a way for us to be together, I’ll be waiting. _

_ I know that you and I haven’t always had a good relationship. I want to hold my hands up and say that I’m to blame for that. You see, I knew that I was cold towards you when we were children and that I created the tension between us. I never intended to be cruel so if I ever was, I’m so sorry. I was only doing it because I believed that you and Liam had feelings for each other, which, thinking about it now is the dumbest thing ever. I was halfway in love with you at first sight so you can imagine how hard it was to think that you and my brother were supposed to be together. _

_ All of your memories of us not seeing eye to eye and of me being a dick come from my attempts to quash my deep feelings for you. _

_ I think it’s important that you know how ashamed I am of the way I treated you. It might help you understand me explain how our relationship, the one you don’t remember, was not perfect. _

_ I always wanted to brush all of our problems under the rug and so we never had the chance to talk properly about the things that are always underlying. We loved each other with complete devotion, that I’d never deny, but we weren’t so good at communicating. _

_ Now, I’m going to try and talk through how I’ve been feeling since your accident. _

_ You have to know that being in foster care made me crave a family more than anything. I know that I have Liam and my parents but I’ve always wanted a real home, to give all this love I have to kids and a partner and get some love back. I was almost desperate for that. When you came to me and told me you were ready for a baby, that family I’d been dreaming about for so many years became within reach. I knew I was close when you agreed to marry me but this was an even greater step. _

_ I couldn’t help but feel like all of that was ripped away from me when I found out about your memory loss. Everything I’d ever wanted was just about to happen and then I had none of it. _

_ Louis, I’ll admit right now that I didn’t want to tell you how we fell in love. I didn’t want to tell you what our relationship was like, what small, mundane things we talked about, what plans we made together. What we had felt so special, like lightning that couldn’t possibly strike twice, that I thought the only way was for you to remember it. My mere words would’ve meant nothing in comparison to the real memories. _

_ I realise now that that isn’t fair. _

_ It isn’t fair for me to mourn this family that never existed. It isn’t fair to expect you to remember. _

_ And I realise now that lightning can strike a thousand times if that lightning is the chance of me falling in love with you. I could do it over and over again and each time would be perfect because it’s you. _

_ All I ask is that you don’t expect me to forget the Louis from the past 7 years. I can’t let go of those memories and I’ll always love him. _

_ That doesn’t lessen the love that I have for you.  _

_ Louis, I haven’t fallen in love with you again. I’ve simply fallen in love with you. _

_ You’re the most beautiful man with the kindest heart. I love that you like musicals now, that you clearly hate working at a desk, that you don’t ask for rocket to be taken out of your food. I even love that you don’t want to do yoga with me, that you prefer to take long walks with Clifford just before the sun sets.  _

_ Accident or not, we were always bound to change. I know now that those changes aren’t scary and that they’re part of being with someone for the long haul. I kind of plan to spend the rest of my life with you so I’m ready for a lot of changes. _

_ Nothing is easy, especially something so worth having, and I won’t promise you the world. _

_ I promise, though, that I love you and that I’ll try my hardest to make you happy. I promise that we’ll talk more and take on whatever comes next together. That’s the strongest and happiest way of doing things. _

_ Take all the time you need. I’m not going anywhere. _

_ All the love _

_ H.xx _

-

It takes Louis nine days to respond.

Harry is watching TV with Clifford late into the evening when he gets a knock on his door. Louis is standing there when he opens it, looking small and tired.

“I’m sorry.”

Harry steps outside to fold Louis into a tight hug. He breathes in the warmth of his smell, welcomes the feeling of his body pressed into his.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” he murmurs into the nape of Louis’ neck.

They hold each other for a moment.

“I just left you when you were so upset,” Louis says. “That was wrong. It was like I didn’t care about you but I do, H, seeing you cry- even the thought of it kills me. I’m sorry.”

Harry pulls away to face Louis properly, hand reaching out to tenderly thumb at his cheek.

“You needed some space.”

Harry could stand there, caught in the bubble of being with Louis again, all night. He knows the cold will settle soon, though, so he walks them into the house.

He lets Louis reunite with Clifford in the living while he makes them cups of tea.

Louis thanks him for the drink and sips it.

“I got your letter.”

Harry nods. He should be afraid, like when you were younger and would send risky texts to your crush that revealed your embarrassing feelings. But he’s not. Louis isn’t his crush and his feelings are important if they’re to make this work.

“It means a lot to, everything you said,” Louis continues, staring into his mug. “I believe you and accept the things you admitted to. God knows, though, that I’m not perfect either. But I know that you’ve made your mistakes and I know it takes some guts to own up to them.”

“Louis, I should’ve been honest from the start,” Harry argues. “It would’ve been better.”

Louis purses his lips together, gaze shifting sideways briefly.

“Well and I should’ve called you out maybe or asked more questions about what’s troubling you or not gotten into that stupid car,” He puts the mug down. “What’s done is done, Harry.”

Harry tentatively nudges his shoulder, urging him to turn so they can look each other in the eyes. “Where do we go from here?”

Louis does turn. “Can you really love me? Me without the memories that made me the person I was when you fell in love?”

“I’ve told you that I’ll always love that Louis,” Harry tells him honestly. “He will always be a part of me. I’ll miss him; I do miss him. But you’re the person I love right now and the person I see myself loving for a long time. It may not make sense to some people but I know that you feel it too and that it makes sense for us.”

Louis looks at him as he speaks and after he finishes. “I really love you, Harry Styles, you know that?”

Harry blinks heavily with a faint smile. “I do,” he whispers.

Louis then starts fidgeting, touching at his knees and shuffling his feet.

“I’m going to stay with Liam for a while.”

Harry’s heart sinks but he tries to not let that show.

“But I’ll come see you. Often.”

Harry nods.

“Is that okay?”

“Of course it is.”

He didn’t expect everything to magically mend itself in one evening.

Next thing he knows, Louis is leaning his head against his shoulder. He gently tugs him in closer and droops his own head onto the top of Louis’, closing his eyes. He lets the semblance of peace wash over them and smiles when he feels Louis softly plant a kiss on his chest through the thick wool of his jumper.

-

Louis does come by to the house. It’s three or four times a week, depending on work, and usually it’s in the evening so that he’s there to have dinner with Harry.

It’s odd not to live with his husband. Harry hasn’t had an arrangement like this in years. It feels like when you start seeing someone, inviting them over then sending them away after a few hours. In that case, though, it’s because you’re figuring out if the relationship will work. You’re trying to see if the other person is compatible enough with you to make the commitment.

Harry already knows that Louis is perfect for him.

Louis lets him cook for him, lets him put on a film for them to watch together, massage his feet, cuddle him on the sofa. Harry feels like a fool for how grateful he is at the bones Louis is throwing at him.

Some nights, he wouldn’t come at all. In those cases, Harry just boxes up half the food he makes for lunch the next day and slinks off to bed at 8pm.

One evening, Louis is laying on his side, back to Harry’s front as they watch Masterchef. Harry is barely paying attention to the screen, too busy trying to be subtle as he nuzzles into the tufts of hair at the nape of Louis’ neck. He’s so warm and content, feels like he’s melting into the solid weight of Louis.

And then Louis starts to rustle and Harry knows their time is up yet again.

“Clifford’s not been feeling well,” Harry blurts out.

Louis stops his moving. “What? How come?”

“Uh, I think he’s got an upset stomach. He threw up in the garden this morning.”

Louis turns to face him.

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

Harry can’t think straight these days when Louis is over. The timer starts counting down as soon as he opens the door and his mind is solely on being as close to the man for as much time as possible. 

“It slipped my mind, I’m sorry.”

Louis pouts then climbs off the sofa to crouch down where Clifford is curled up by the armchair.

“Is my boy not doing so good? Is he poorly?” Louis coos as he strokes Clifford’s ears.

“I’ll take him to the vet tomorrow.” Harry sits up.

Louis spends a few more seconds whispering to Clifford and petting him before he stands up, readying himself to leave.

Clifford lets out a loud whine as soon as Louis starts walking to the door and Harry internally fist pumps.

“Aww, do you not want me to leave, buddy?”

“You could stay. Just for tonight, you know, for Clifford.”

Louis chews his lip in contemplation.

“Alright.”

They go upstairs to get ready for bed, slowly remembering their routine as they work around each other.

Louis allows Clifford to sleep at the end of the bed because of his condition even though they’ve been very strict about that before. Harry supposes that it’s okay since he’s the reason Louis is even staying. It does, however, mean that there won’t be any funny business. Not that Harry was planning any.

He gets to hold Louis, though, gentle around his soft waist. He gets to look at his eyes, still somehow blue even in the dark with only muted moonlight sifted through the curtains. 

Harry leans right in so that their lips are barely apart, too close for comfort. He thought he wanted to kiss him, long and hard until they’re breathless. He realises, though, that he’s stuck in this. The closeness, anticipation, tenderness of maintaining that distance is so rich with intimacy that he can’t bear to break it.

Neither can Louis because they fall asleep like that, a millimeter away from a kiss.

-

Louis leaves the next morning for work and he doesn’t come back.

Harry makes himself get through it. It’s no different from all the other days that Louis didn’t drop by so he shouldn’t freak out.

He decides to make a pie after he eats his dinner. He gathers his ingredients and makes a simple apple pie with what’s left in the fruit bowl. He cuts and rolls everything carefully, hyperfocused on such easy tasks that he’s forced to rush on a daily basis. When he’s done, he puts it in the oven and sits on a barstool, looking at it for 45 minutes until it’s ready.

The phone rings as he’s eating the pie straight out of the tin with a fork.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Harry.” It’s Liam. “Listen, I’m going to be straight with you; Louis’ not okay. He’s crying himself to sleep right now and it’s not the first time. I don’t know what it is with you two, like I’ve been in love and I know a lot of couples, but you two are something else. It’s like you need to be together or else you feel such pain. You’re my brother but you know Louis, you know how he makes people love him, and I love him so much that it’s breaking my heart, Harry. You have to fix this for good. Please.”

Harry looks at his pie, the perfectly crimped pastry now ripped open, the sweet filling oozing everywhere.

“Okay.”

-

The next time Louis comes by the house, Harry takes him to the living room and sits him down. He makes a point of removing the wedding band that’s been sitting on his finger for seven years.

“Harry, wha-”

“I’m done. I’m ready to move on from that marriage, that relationship.”

Louis sighs lightly and flits his eyes down to his lap. “You don’t have to do that.”

Harry puts the ring down on the coffee table and takes Louis’ hands into his own. “Yes, I do. I don’t need this symbol of vows only I can remember. Louis, I’ve fallen in love with you, this you, and I’m ready for a whole new chapter, or a whole new book even. You’ll never have to compete with the past because I’m convinced that every second, I love you more, so you can imagine how much I love you in comparison to just a moment ago, let alone years.”

Surprisingly, Harry finds himself calm. His words flowed out and said exactly what he wanted to say and he’s not scared. He just hopes Louis is in the same headspace.

“I’ve fallen in love with you, too.”

Harry grins and can’t help himself from scooping Louis into a hug.

“I think maybe we can have a life that’s completely ours, a life I have a say in. Because you want that, too, right? Whole new dreams and routines and ways of loving each other?”

Louis’ hands are clutching at Harry’s head, asking him to embark on a whole new adventure together.

“Any life you want.”

Harry watches Louis close his eyes, smile and let go of all the weight. He watches the man he loves become light, like he should always be, and leans in to kiss him. And that kiss feels free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please lmk what you think and reblog the [fic post](https://darlou.tumblr.com/post/190079374798/strangers-in-love-louis-wakes-up-to-find-himself). if you can x


End file.
